A prayer for today

God of infinite wisdom and grace,

I could list the myriad of frustrations and angst running through my head...but you know.

I could spew the irritation and utter disbelief I'm feeling...but you know.

I could plead, for the millionth time, my case before you about the desires of my heart...but you know.

I could go on and on and on...but you know.

So I will simply ask for your unending grace today.

I will simply ask for (darn it I don't like praying for this) patience.

I will simply say Thank You for being forgiving and full of grace, for seeing past the mask I put in place for everyone else and loving me anyway.

Amen.

Dear fellow Christ Followers,

Can we please place a moratorium on assuming that we know the depths of another person's faith?  Can we please stop making pronouncements on places such as blogs and "spacehook" and comments on newspaper articles or magazine articles that basically say that no matter what a person may SAY about their beliefs, we will not believe them because they don't operate the way we think the should operate.  Or they don't say the things we think they should say if they truly do profess faith and so we say things to discount their faith.

It's tiring, it's belittling and it says a whole heck of a lot more about our lack of faith in a really big God who can do amazingly big things to say that someone whose ideals look different than ours isn't a Christ follower.  Instead of talking with someone, getting to know them, spending time with them, investing in their life, many times we sit on the sidelines, judging from afar, never really interacting with another person and really getting to know where they are in the matter of belief and faith.

This tendency is magnified a million times over when the person we are sitting in judgment of is a celebrity or someone in the media spotlight.  So, until I sit down in a conversation with the President of the United States, the Queen of England or any other person in power or in the celebrity spotlight, I will take them at their word in regards to their beliefs in a higher power.  I refuse to be one of those Christ Followers who sits in judgment of another persons faith without really knowing that person...and yes, while you are judging others for this very reason, I will be judging you for judging them. 

Sincerely,

Really not perfect, unjustly judgmental (at times) and willing to admit it Brittany

Beneath the surface

Beneath the surface they bubble and percolate.
They stew and stir until there is no holding back
And it explodes...

Into a flurry of voice raising, pitch raising, eye raising
WORDS.

These words pour out onto shoulders
That hold them and listen
That carry the burden
That understand and empathize
That relate.

Beneath the surface the bubbling slows,
Percolating stops.
The stewing and stirring lessen
The explosion has ceased...for now.

Dear Neighbors,

When you have your next gathering, please be kind and have the squealing girls and the guys dropping the f*bombs in the loudest voices possible go inside at midnight. In the quiet of the dead of night your voices really do carry very, very far. The rest of us in the neighborhood really don't care to hear your conversations...or squeals...or swearing. Really.

Thank you,
A tired, irritated neighbor trying to be nice, who next time will get out of bed and figure out where you are and call you and not be so nice.

Evading a rant...

I can feel a church rant coming on. It's brewing, my mind is whirling, stomach churning and I'm trying to think happy thoughts but, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

In other news, in a week I will be hugging this little one.And in a week and a day I'll be hugging this other little one.
I'm gonna focus on that today.

Masquerade

To unbloggable person,

I listened. I didn't want to, but I listened. I tried to ignore your words. I tried to focus on something else. I texted a friend, I thought about tomorrow but still, I listened. I heard the words you were saying. I heard the condemnation. I saw the verbal finger wagging. I know what you were attempting to communicate. And I reacted. I felt the indignation rise up in my throat like bile that just has to erupt. I reacted. My teeth and jaw clenched tightly. My hands curled into fists. I reacted. My heart felt like it hardened, I saw the crap meter in my head register high.

Because I know the truth. I know the truth. The verbal finger that was wagging at me had four more pointing directly at you. Trying to remove the plank from my eye, you completely missed the TREE in yours. I know the truth and I'm so stinkin' tired of listening to the words that fall from your lips with such ease. Words that you don't really mean, words that barely hold back contempt for any that don't follow exactly what you say to do. I'm tired of listening to lies veiled as truth because I know the truth.

I may have a plank that needs to be worked on, but I can still see around it. The veil was lifted from my eyes a long, long time ago. The masquerade has long been over. I listened but I wonder, were you listening to yourself?

Grumbling

I feel like grumbling today. Not that anything is going super wrong, just feel like grumbling. If you don't want to read, it's OK, I'm just warning you.

• Went to the dentist this morning. I don't mind going to the dentist, I've been going to the same one for 30 years or so, not a big deal. I've lost my gold crown. Isn't that sad? It was "leaking" and needed to be checked. Fine. The not fine part is the referral now to the endodontist. Lovely. Going to the endodontist is not the problem, the bill that will result is the problem.
• I've been noticing a phenomenon lately; People don't look as they back out of parking spaces. This afternoon at Costco as I was loading things into my car, the car across from me started backing out. Fine. Then the guy next to my car just started backing up without looking. I think I said "Whoa" out loud. Because of this I've gone into hyper mode, swiveling my head around in all directions many, many times. I like summer because the race car's top goes down and I can see better...there are a lot of blindspots in a convertible. But then again, it's not just backing out, everyone seems to think they are the only one on the road all the time. Annoying. Don't they know that I'M the only one?
• This morning on my way to the dentist I was listening to the radio when my 2nd least favorite radio person came on. He just bugs me. I always change the channel but didn't get there fast enough and he started talking. Which brings me to this next one...
• I'm really, really tired of people who have 10lbs or less to lose talking about their weight problem. I know it's frustrating but I have little empathy. Multiply that by, oh, a bunch and then we'll talk. Maybe. It's doubtful though 'cuz I have to really trust you to talk about that and I have a hard time trusting the people closest to me with that issue.
• Someone has been helping themselves to food in the Youth Group fridge. I'm a generous person, I will give to people if they ask, but they have to ask! I've been threatening to put a lock on the fridge for a few years, I'm thinking it might be time.
• Speaking of giving, I went to a store I don't normally shop at today and there were two people standing outside the door soliciting donations. I don't know what they were for and I would have listened but as I was going in one of the people got really obnoxious with someone going out. I actually exited on the other side of the building and walked around the whole store to avoid having to deal with the guy. And that's when I knew it was a grumbling kind of day.
  

Grumbling time has come to an end. Happy days around the corner!

Just whining

I like the concept of extra days off. Really I do. I don't like the work load that comes with those extra days off. It's annoying. Add to that 3 sick days and viola! a whole mess of work that now needs to be completed in a shortened amount of time. Add in the frustration mentioned yesterday (multiplied by several other people today) and a cough that strikes in the middle of conversations and you will find that I am not fit for human company. I needs to get over this soon! Middle School students descend in 30 minutes!

What would really help right now is about 20 minute walk. But it's dark and cold and rainy outside and that's not gonna happen. BUT in another week or so there will be a lovely treadmill at the garage at home on which I can walk away my stress and worries while watching a fabulous episode of Friends on DVD. Okay I think I just cheered myself up.

There are moments...

like right now when I wish, I wish that I was an anonymous blogger so that I could vent my frustrated feelings into the blog-atmosphere and let them go away.

But I'm not and I can't. Grrrr....

Grrr...

I'm not sure when I gave the impression to people that I am not capable of doing things I say I will do. But somehow that impression is out there and it's really starting to tick.me.off! If anyone is tempted to give me a task and then take it back or call me over and over and over again making sure that I'm actually going to accomplish the task or try and tell me the best way to get the task done, think twice...the wrath of Brittany is bubbling and it won't be a pretty sight.