One day last week I woke up with a sore throat and stuffy nose. I knew that my allergies were bad but I also knew that this was not just allergies. So I did what I've done for the last few times a cold has been attempting to overtake my sinuses and headed to the local juice shop for a "coldbuster" smoothie. My stuffy nose symptoms disappeared (which is really the part that bugs me the most) but my sore throat persisted. Saturday morning I realized my voice was going to leave for awhile.
I struggled through worship on Sunday. Many people wanted to chat, which is fine but it took a toll on my voice. By the time I made it home in the afternoon, my voice sounded very froggy. And that's how it has been for the last few days. Froggy.
It's only when it's harder to talk that I notice how often I talk. I'm a pretty quiet person by nature, but I'm in a pretty vocal job. It's harder to talk over students in youth group. And leading in worship songs, forget it! I can start the song but everyone else needs to do the rest of the work. I lost my breath mid sentence in Bible Study today because I was working so hard to project my voice that I ran out of air.
Feeling froggy has been good, though, as I've sat back and listened to things around me. Monday night's Worship Team rehearsal there were a couple of times when all I could do was listen to the beautiful harmony coming from my teammates. There was a beauty in the simplicity of just a couple of voices as opposed to the 6 or so that are normally singing. Even if my voice is back in full form on Sunday, I think I'm going to have to suddenly lose my voice on that song.
Today in Bible Study I sat and listened to the students I was with. I realized that they have formed a bond that goes beyond just youth group, it's a deeper friendship based on shared experiences with God. It was a beautiful sound. And last night, at Middle School Group, I listened to the silence as students took in the message that God had prepared for them. The silence spoke volumes.
So, while I'm a little froggy, I'm paying more attention to God's movement, God's speaking, God's whispers and realizing that I need to be froggy a little bit more often.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Broken
Every so often we will sing the song "Holiness" in youth group. If you aren't familiar with it the lyrics basically say Holiness is what we long for, need and what God wants from us. It goes on to ask God to take our hearts, minds and wills and conform them into God's own. It's a great melody but sometimes I wonder how much I really mean the words when I sing them. Especially when we start changing that one word "Holiness" into others. Faithfulness isn't so hard, righteousness okay but brokenness...I don't like that one so much.
I've been thinking about what it means to ask God to "break" me. To rid me of things that I am clinging to and to fill me with things that God desires for me. When I hear of something being broken, my first association is pain. I don't like pain. I will go out of my way to avoid pain or actions that will lead to pain. I don't like to see other people in pain. Probably why I'm not the best person to be visiting people in hospitals.
Being broken also means that things change. As much as I would like to believe that I am so okay with change, it scares me. I can be flexible but only up to a certain point and then, well, my stubbornness really sets in! It's not all bad but certainly, to be broken means that things are going to move outside of my comfort zone into places where I don't necessarily want to go and that, my friends, is bad.
But being broken can also mean healing, renewal and new life. I was with some friends the other day that I haven't seen in awhile. As we were talking and sharing about life, I noticed that something had changed about one person. Their whole demeanour was different. As they spoke about what was going on in their life I realized that this person was in the process of being broken by God. It wasn't pretty, I could tell that beneath the surface there was a huge struggle going on. A struggle between what God wants and what my friend wants. A struggle between their way and God's way. It's emotionally overwhelming and physically draining but in the end, a new person emerges and new life begins.
I don't think that I will ever really long for brokenness and yet I know that it is in the broken places, in the moments where pain and God meet that I have experienced the deepest growth and change. It's truly where my heart, mind and will were all formed, transformed and conformed by God.
Praying for my friend in their brokenness.
I've been thinking about what it means to ask God to "break" me. To rid me of things that I am clinging to and to fill me with things that God desires for me. When I hear of something being broken, my first association is pain. I don't like pain. I will go out of my way to avoid pain or actions that will lead to pain. I don't like to see other people in pain. Probably why I'm not the best person to be visiting people in hospitals.
Being broken also means that things change. As much as I would like to believe that I am so okay with change, it scares me. I can be flexible but only up to a certain point and then, well, my stubbornness really sets in! It's not all bad but certainly, to be broken means that things are going to move outside of my comfort zone into places where I don't necessarily want to go and that, my friends, is bad.
But being broken can also mean healing, renewal and new life. I was with some friends the other day that I haven't seen in awhile. As we were talking and sharing about life, I noticed that something had changed about one person. Their whole demeanour was different. As they spoke about what was going on in their life I realized that this person was in the process of being broken by God. It wasn't pretty, I could tell that beneath the surface there was a huge struggle going on. A struggle between what God wants and what my friend wants. A struggle between their way and God's way. It's emotionally overwhelming and physically draining but in the end, a new person emerges and new life begins.
I don't think that I will ever really long for brokenness and yet I know that it is in the broken places, in the moments where pain and God meet that I have experienced the deepest growth and change. It's truly where my heart, mind and will were all formed, transformed and conformed by God.
Praying for my friend in their brokenness.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Radio
I was on the radio again this morning. Talking about Pearlington, of course. It was a phone interview, so I didn't need to get up at the crack of dawn to head to the radio station, but rather get up at the crack of dawn and wait for the phone to ring while flipping channels between the morning news shows. It was pretty nice and I think the interview went pretty well after the first minute or so.
I've always wondered what it would be like to be on the radio and I'm pretty sure that it's a lot more pressure than I ever want to tackle. Seriously. When we were in the studio a few weeks ago there were so many rules...don't shuffle papers, speak directly into the microphone, don't cough into the microphone, don't speak over each other (I flubbed that one this morning) and so on. I moved in my chair once and it made such a loud squeak I immediately got very self-conscious. I don't like feeling that way. I also don't like listening to myself after I speak, in any instance. It's just fodder for me to beat myself up over and over again for something I said wrong or something that I forgot or whatever. I tend to be my toughest critic and rehash things that are said in my head over and over again anyway...why do I need a tape recording of it as well???
But the radio show went well today and I hope that there were a couple of people out there that heard something that spurs them into action, either by donating money or donating their time...and if there was a newspaper reporter listening who wanted to write up something about our trips to Pearlington, well, I wouldn't be opposed to that either! Anything to get the word out!
I've always wondered what it would be like to be on the radio and I'm pretty sure that it's a lot more pressure than I ever want to tackle. Seriously. When we were in the studio a few weeks ago there were so many rules...don't shuffle papers, speak directly into the microphone, don't cough into the microphone, don't speak over each other (I flubbed that one this morning) and so on. I moved in my chair once and it made such a loud squeak I immediately got very self-conscious. I don't like feeling that way. I also don't like listening to myself after I speak, in any instance. It's just fodder for me to beat myself up over and over again for something I said wrong or something that I forgot or whatever. I tend to be my toughest critic and rehash things that are said in my head over and over again anyway...why do I need a tape recording of it as well???
But the radio show went well today and I hope that there were a couple of people out there that heard something that spurs them into action, either by donating money or donating their time...and if there was a newspaper reporter listening who wanted to write up something about our trips to Pearlington, well, I wouldn't be opposed to that either! Anything to get the word out!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
goodreads
As if writing on blogger wasn't enough of a time sucking exercise for me, I've recently joined goodreads.com that lets me share with my friends all the books that I'm reading, see what they are reading and share reviews of the books. That is all the books that I will admit to reading! Hee-hee! It's fun and I need friends, so if you are interested, join the site, let me know and I'll add you as my friend!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Stranded
ATA declares bankruptcy; Hawaii travelers left stranded
There are many places that I would not like to be stranded. Hawaii is on the list of places that I could handle. Today I heard that one of my comrades in ministry is stranded in Hawaii with his family. They had tickets with Aloha on Monday, who filed for bankruptcy and grounded the planes that same day. They took the vouchers for a hotel and were to travel on ATA. Today they woke up and learned that they were not flying with ATA either. There are no vouchers this time, though, and there are only 4 flights to CA today, which are full, plus seats are going for $900 and there are 6 of them flying. Ouch.
Not an ideal situation yet still there are worse places to be stranded!
There are many places that I would not like to be stranded. Hawaii is on the list of places that I could handle. Today I heard that one of my comrades in ministry is stranded in Hawaii with his family. They had tickets with Aloha on Monday, who filed for bankruptcy and grounded the planes that same day. They took the vouchers for a hotel and were to travel on ATA. Today they woke up and learned that they were not flying with ATA either. There are no vouchers this time, though, and there are only 4 flights to CA today, which are full, plus seats are going for $900 and there are 6 of them flying. Ouch.
Not an ideal situation yet still there are worse places to be stranded!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Pictures
Pictures from the last Mississippi trip can be found on my flickr site. Just click through the link on the sidebar and look for MS 5.
Side effects
My recent bout with an infection had me on two different medications that came with some not so pleasant side effects. Medication number 1 left me feeling pretty spacey, both meds caused my skin to itch if I was in the sun for too long and both meds had this little warning "you may experience ____ however, it may not occur until several weeks after ending the medication." I'm very thankful that this side effect didn't occur last week. It would have been very, very unpleasant. I am not a fan of this side effect.
It seems that many things in life have side effects. Spending time in a different time zone means that when I return to PST my inner clock is off and my sleeping patterns are funky for a few days. Spending time browsing my favorite blogs cuts into my prep time for groups, which has the side effect of my brain scrambling for the right words when I'm in that teaching moment. Everything has a side effect. Some are not so good but then there are those that are good.
Taking teams to Pearlington to help with Hurricane Katrina Recovery work has had an amazing side effects. I've found that I like this! I can be a missionary, in some sense of the word! Students who were uninterested in helping people before are eager for opportunities to help people. We are more compassionate when we see reports of devastation and destruction and quickly wonder "is that where we are going next?"
Hurricane Katrina has had amazing side effects on the people in Gulf Coast as well. Every time we go, I see more instances of neighbors helping neighbors despite race or wealth. We get the feeling that before the storm, there was a separation of people because of those issues. Papa Bear, Yo Momma and I were talking about the side effects of Hurricane Katrina and we all wondered if in 5-10 years the attitudes about race and gender will have been affected because of the breakdown of some of those barriers, neighbors helping neighbors, volunteers coming in of all races and genders to accomplish the same goals. It may not happen but it's interesting to ponder.
One of the side effects of our recovery work in Mississippi is that we have learned new skills. We have been "edumacated", as Mr. Ben would say, and feel like we need an outlet here at home for those skills to keep the honed for our next adventures but also to help out the people in our own neighborhoods. Soon we will start "Mississippi at Home". We will offer our services to help those around us spruce up their own homes using our new found knowledge to make a difference right here. I think it's going to be a great side effect!
It seems that many things in life have side effects. Spending time in a different time zone means that when I return to PST my inner clock is off and my sleeping patterns are funky for a few days. Spending time browsing my favorite blogs cuts into my prep time for groups, which has the side effect of my brain scrambling for the right words when I'm in that teaching moment. Everything has a side effect. Some are not so good but then there are those that are good.
Taking teams to Pearlington to help with Hurricane Katrina Recovery work has had an amazing side effects. I've found that I like this! I can be a missionary, in some sense of the word! Students who were uninterested in helping people before are eager for opportunities to help people. We are more compassionate when we see reports of devastation and destruction and quickly wonder "is that where we are going next?"
Hurricane Katrina has had amazing side effects on the people in Gulf Coast as well. Every time we go, I see more instances of neighbors helping neighbors despite race or wealth. We get the feeling that before the storm, there was a separation of people because of those issues. Papa Bear, Yo Momma and I were talking about the side effects of Hurricane Katrina and we all wondered if in 5-10 years the attitudes about race and gender will have been affected because of the breakdown of some of those barriers, neighbors helping neighbors, volunteers coming in of all races and genders to accomplish the same goals. It may not happen but it's interesting to ponder.
One of the side effects of our recovery work in Mississippi is that we have learned new skills. We have been "edumacated", as Mr. Ben would say, and feel like we need an outlet here at home for those skills to keep the honed for our next adventures but also to help out the people in our own neighborhoods. Soon we will start "Mississippi at Home". We will offer our services to help those around us spruce up their own homes using our new found knowledge to make a difference right here. I think it's going to be a great side effect!
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