Not a talker

I am not a talker. I don't talk just to talk. If I have something to say, I usually have thought about what it is I am saying and try to choose my words carefully. There are very few times when I ramble on and on and on about nothing. Making small talk is painful, painful I say! This can be a problem on multiple levels.

It's a problem when meeting new people. Not being a great conversationalist, meeting new people is downright hard. There are a lot of uncomfortable silences and pauses. My mind races to think of any subject that can be easily discussed without putting really saying much, which is a problem seeing as how once that one single sentence is said there are minutes worth of silence left to be filled. So I am labeled as cold or aloof or unpersonable or maybe even superior, which is not really the case. I simply struggle with small talk and don't find it necessary to say words that I don't mean.

Which is a problem in my job, which is very much a people oriented job. Small talk is necessary. I've learned to ramble on and on and on and make small talk but that comes with a price. Simply put, for every 5 minutes of small talk I need 15 minutes of recharge time. Time where I can be alone with my thoughts, to allow my brain to catch up with all the input and output, to allow my introverted soul to reflect and figure out if I said what I really meant or if words just flowed out that had no meaning.

All of this came up in my head because of a text message I got from a friend today..."You got time to chat?" The answer was convoluted. Yes, I have time but No, I don't have the words. I've used up my quota of small talk. I have been chatty over silly little things to the nth degree over the last week and I'm chatted out. More than that, I simply don't have the words for what is going on in my head and heart. "I can't chat today...rain check for tomorrow?" was my reply to my friend. She was okay with that.