"I know this will pass, however..."

"I know this will pass, however..."

I read those words from a Christian dealing with a bunch of stuff in their life and they caught my attention.  The litany of things this person is dealing with is long.  There are things on that list that break my heart.  There are hard things, seemingly easy things, things that take up brain space and heart space and in general make a person weary.  And yet, instead of being able to state the crap in life, put it out there on the table and walk away there was an addendum, "I know this will pass..."

One simple sentence and yet it held so much guilt.  What I saw behind the statement was "I shouldn't be feeling this way", maybe that awful cliche of "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" (click here for the best blog I've ever read on that horrid misrepresentation of scripture) or the even more vile "God's just testing me" notion.  Behind that statement was a denial of self that, however noble, spoke volumes.  We aren't allowed to feel what we feel because...this too shall pass.

Sometimes I feel like the Christian world works overtime to hide the humanness within us all.  We are supposed to be above it all, and yet, we are human.  We are frail.  We get tired, angry, happy, sad.  One minute we can be overflowing with joy, the next despair.  From one second to another we can be calm and then overwrought with anger.  It's the way of life, it ebbs and it flows. Emotions happen.

I am so sad when I hear people disregard their hurts, their worries, their sorrows because, well, we're supposed to "buck up" and remember "this too shall pass."  Yes, yes it will but until the current problems dim, lets just face reality, shall we?  Life hurts sometimes. It's not always fun and joy filled. 

In those moments, instead of passing around cheap cliches (that actually do more harm then they help, in my humble opinion), let's look at the person who is hurting and call the spade, the spade.  Let's acknowledge the pain, the sorrow, the joy, the anger, the depression, the fear, the burdened shoulders.  Let's stop hiding behind the fear that God won't show up and save us from this (again, it's my humble opinion but isn't that what we are really saying with those cliches?) and just come right out and say it.  "I am overwhelmed.  This hurts.  I've had enough.  I'm scared.  It all just feels way to much for me to handle right now."

Papa Bear has been more emotional the last few weeks, as he has every right to be. We all have.  Tears come readily and easily as we contemplate the road ahead.  I have stopped myself, corrected myself several times when Papa Bear starts to tear up and I start to say "AGH, Don't cry!" (which I recognize is more a self preservation thing for me than about him.  If he cries, I cry.)  I've retracted that statement over and over reminding both of us to feel whatever we are feeling, be it tears, laughter, sadness, anger, joy, the emotions are valid and we need to feel them, to work through them as we walk this path.

Hello, my name is Brittany.  My family is going through some pretty rough stuff right now and we're all a little scared and anxious about what tomorrow will bring.  Thanks for listening.

Pondering hypocrisy

I had lunch with a friend on Friday.  We are attempting to have lunch together once a month.  The two hours we have flies by, the conversation jumps around and around but usually settles on church.  We worked together in church for awhile.  We come from different backgrounds, have different political viewpoints, have different life viewpoints and yet the friendship is good and strong.  She talks, I listen.  I talk, she listens.  We respect each other and never once have I felt judged for disagreeing with her.  I hope, she has never once felt judged by me either.  Grace abounds in our friendship.  It is good.

At the tail end of our conversation on Friday, as we talked about church stuff, we got onto the subject of why people go to church or don't go to church.  It's a big topic these days.  I've read many a blog post about the subject from many a Christian and the responses vary but usually there is one constant theme running through the reasons for not attending church.  Hypocrisy.

I made the statement to my friend that as a church-raised, church-loving girl, I struggled a lot with the hypocrisy I see within the church.  I fall into the hypocrite category at times, so pointing fingers feels really wrong.  Not standing up and acknowledging the hypocrisy, though, seems wrong as well. 

We preach forgiveness and redemption and hold grudges and anger.  We preach social justice and grace and withhold grace to people who are "sinners" or don't look or act the way we think they should.  We label certain sins as really, really bad and tend to overlook the verse that says "all have sinned and fallen short of the grace of God."  We say that numbers of people in the seats don't matter, then look around and wonder where everyone is on a Sunday.  (True confession, I caught myself so many times overlooking the youth who were sitting right in front of me, wondering where everyone else was.)  We say God and Christ can do anything but give up on people when they don't change they way we think they should in the time frame we think they should.  We confess faith in Christ on Sunday but don't live that faith out Monday through Saturday.  Those are just a few of the things I've seen.

I've struggled with church a lot over the last few years.  I love the church. I also recognize the church is not perfect.  It's not perfect.  It's not ever going to be perfect because the church is made up of human beings...imperfect human beings.  I wonder if that is maybe the problem with the hypocrisy I see in the church.  We work really hard at forgetting we are imperfect, striving for a perfection just out of reach and stumble all over ourselves trying to cover up the mess we make in the meantime.

I don't have any answers, just a pondering mind, a desire to keep seeking God and recognize and admit my imperfection...and the imperfection of that institution I love...the church.

Getting real

Five of us sat around tonight talking.  We talked about this, we talked about that, we talked church, we talked life, we just talked.  The margarita's helped a little but truthfully it doesn't take much to get this group chatting.  Well, four of the group.  I tend to sit on the sidelines and interject occasionally...there's always one in the crowd, right?

One of the five was new to the group.  At one point one looked over and said to her "Sorry, we probably sound really awful right now."  To which the response was "Are you kidding, Christians being real?!" which implied that it was refreshing to hear four Christian women just tell it like they see it.  Which reminded me why I like hanging out with these particular women, they aren't afraid to be real. 

Real in the sense that we can say what is on our hearts and we aren't judged.  Real in the sense that if one shares a struggle, the rest of us don't doubt that she is still a Christian.  Real in the sense that when one of us lets loose with some "unholy" language there is no harsh intake of breath like she has just committed a mortal sin.  I could keep going but I think you get it.

Our conversation tonight is what I find missing in most Christian circles, and to be perfectly honest, is what a lot of younger people are feeling is missing from churches.  I'm not sure it's a new phenomenon, maybe the conversations have just changed a little, gotten a little grittier.  Still the sentiment is there, we want church to be a place where we can be real and still find acceptance and love.  I even saw it in the youth group setting.  When we combined the high school and young adult group for the summer, the conversations got grittier, things were said that were more authentic, less covered with the constant thought (on my part) that I would have to answer to their parents if we went too far in the conversation.  After one such conversation, S looked at her friend and said "I like grown-up youth group."  Christians being real...it's appealing.

I sat around a living room tonight with four other Christian women being real...it was good.

Faith ramblings

Matthew 28:18-20 (NIV): Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Mark 16:15 (NIV):  "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.' "


True confession time.  These are not my favorite passages in the Bible.  They have been used many, many times to tell me that I am supposed to go to other countries and try to "convert" people, "win" them to Jesus.  Up until a few years ago, I read these passages and got very cynical.   And then I read them again.  This time the word "go" jumped off the page and the passages took on a whole new meaning.

When I read the passages as "go" that means that I need to do something.  I don't get to just sit inside my little Christian bubble and expect people to come to me to find Jesus.  I have to go somewhere.  This version puts the words "far and near" in there, which is an important distinction to me as well.  Not everyone hears the call of God to go to other countries to share the love of Jesus, some people are called by God to, well, go next door to the neighbors for coffee, to stop by their co-workers cubicle to chat for a few minutes, to sit down in a Barber's chair and talk to the person cutting their hair.  To me, "go" means that I have to leave my comfort zone and enter into the world.   I have to go somewhere.


The other day I was having a conversation with someone who basically said that they were struggling with leaving their current job to pursue something else because their current job was "Christian" and the other job was not.  If they left their job, where people came to find Jesus, for another job then they wouldn't be able to help people walk with God.  It took a lot of work to keep myself calm.  I know I paused and counted to 10 before saying anything.  To me, there is something inherently wrong with that logic.  Just like the logic that says we can't be friends with anyone who isn't Christian.  It seems like we're missing the point of the so-called Great Commission(s).  We have to be willing to actually go into the world to make a difference in the world.  We have to relate to people, those who know Christ and those who don't, to be able to have an impact.  If all I have are Christian friends, I'm not getting the job done.  If I only work in the Christian bubble of churches, camps, non-profits, para-church organizations, etc, then what difference am I truly making in the world?  We can't just sit in our comfortable Christian bubble and expect to make a difference in the world.  We have to go.

Typing all of this out, I know that I don't even live up to my own words.  I am completely comfortable in the Christian bubble of my creation.  It's hard to go into the world and face opposition to my beliefs and morals.  Yet, then again, I am also called to be me in the world, not someone else.  So I go and I live out my faith.  I say yes to things that I am comfortable with and no to things that I'm not.  I am true to who God has called me to be and not always to what the world says I am supposed to be.

I'm still not a fan of the way these passages are used in many Christian circles, but I am beginning to get it...in order to share Jesus we've got to go to the world...not expect them to come to us.