Monday, May 4, 2009

On blogging

I've come to really love blogging. I like being able to write whatever is on my heart and mind, to share it with people that I know and don't know. I like getting feedback from people on whatever has crossed my mind that day, that week, that month. Blogging has helped me reconnect with a love of writing that was lost somewhere between Video English and being left off the list for AP English in High School (I was told two weeks after school had started my senior year that I was really supposed to be in AP English and somehow had been left off the list. The damage had already been done to my writing soul and I declined the offer...wound up being the best choice. I had Mrs. C for Senior English instead. God knew what God was doing.) Blogging, for me, has been a good thing.

One of the hardest things, though, is writing things down that might seem a little too close, a little too tender, a little too dangerous and then daring to push that button that says 'publish post'. Many posts sit, never to make it to the front page of the blog, never to be seen by eyes other than my own and that's OK.

When the words, though, reach the front page and are seen by others, I never expect them to be used by the reader to poke fun at me, to point out my flaws or my downfalls. I expect the reader to understand that they are my words, my thoughts, that it's my heart, soul and spirit poured out. I expect to there to be respect on the part of the reader, that the reader will honor my vulnerability or laugh with me or rant with me or ponder with me as needed. I don't expect the words to come back to harm me. I never expect them to come back to harm me.

Maybe, though, I should expect that because I choose to write publicly. I don't limit the people who can read my words and I shouldn't expect people to honor or respect my words. That thought makes me very, very sad. It also makes me sad when it's people that I know. It makes me sad when it's people who I hold in esteem, in honor, in respect who then trample all of that to pieces.

I think about all this stuff when reading other people's blogs too. I think about the person on the other side, who spent time typing out their thoughts, hitting the delete button, correcting this sentence or that. The person who has had a hard day and just needs to vent, the person who puts their soul into making their words just right, the person who happily shares whatever is going on just because, the person who has found a home for their words that makes them happy. I also think about how my words about or on someone else's blog impacts that person...and sometimes I choose not to write them.

Blogging makes me happy. It's a creative, emotional release that I'm grateful to have found. At the same time it can be super personal. When people talk about my words, I pray that they have the respect due the words and the person writing them.

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