Saturday, April 28, 2012

Letting go

I'm pondering many different subjects these days, some for this blog, some for other blogs (yes, I have more than one...and that's all I'm saying).  There are some hot button issues I'm almost ready to burst on but not quite ready to start the conversations.  There are some things that are wearing on my soul, actions I need to take, questions I need to ask, points I need to ponder.  Part of me would love to share, part of me is not ready to let anyone else in...so blog silence reigns on those subjects.

Tonight I'm contemplating letting go of things from the past in order to move into the future.  One action I need to take is going to be hard, really, really hard.  The action is also necessary if I want to move into the future.  The future which remains completely unclear but the future nonetheless.  While I contemplate letting go of things from the past in order to move forward, people from my life come to mind.  People near and dear to my heart who are clinging to past hurts and wounds.  People near and dear to my heart whose lives are so intimately tired to resentment and anger they can't see the future.  My heart grieves for them, for the life they are missing out on while they dwell in anger, while they stew in resentment, while they cling to festering wounds bound to never heal because they intentionally rip the scab off every so often just to re-freshen the wound.  While I can look into their lives and see steps to take and ways to begin to heal, I feel anxious when I look into my own life and see the same things glaring back at me.  I KNOW I don't want anyone else pointing those ways out to me, so I remain on the sidelines of these other lives, watching and praying.

I stand on the sidelines of others lives, watching and praying and reminding myself, I don't want that to be me.  I don't want to be the one who refuses to let go and allow healing to begin.  I want to move on, into the future and allow God to begin healing my heart.