Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Where do I belong?

It's silly.  The other day on the RevGals facebook page (yes, I check in once a day even though I'm taking a break and lately I've been using that darn site for work!  geesh!) there was a question posed...what denomination are you?

One question and I suddenly felt very sad.  Answering that question used to be easy.  PC(USA) all the way.   In my heart I am still very much a PC(USA) girl.  But in real-churchgoing-life, I am no longer a PC(USA) girl.  I still hold membership in a PC(USA) church but that's only because I haven't officially sent my membership termination letter.  They won't be PC(USA) for long, either, as things look right now...the sadness deepens.
 I would love to attend a PC(USA) church and there are 3 others in town.  One is pseudo PC(USA). As soon as they can figure out how to do so, they are out.  The other 2 are very traditional in their worship and, well, that's just not me.

So I found a place where I feel I being "fed", to use christianese and even more importantly, where I was welcomed enthusiastically and I go there.  Right now I attend a church associated with the Conservative Baptist Association. My values and the values of many in the church do not match up.  I don't plan on ever becoming a member, but for now this is where God has me.  I treasure the people there but I don't agree with their viewpoints on many subjects and yet, I find myself drawn to this loosely associated Conservative Baptist Church...but I don't really feel like I belong. I don't claim the denomination as my own. I just happen to attend the church right now.

All of that said, it was such a simple question and yet my heart broke, one more time, as I looked at this journey of faith and recognized I don't have a true denomination that I call home. In the grand scheme, it truly does not matter, it is simply another word that gets in the way of faith and hinders us from viewing God without restriction...but that word was also a piece of my identity, another part left behind in this journey of faith.  Why does growing in faith have to be so hard sometimes?

So, to answer the innocently asked question, my name is Brittany. I don't have a true denominational home anymore. The day I do, I will let you know.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Holding you in prayer!!!

Martha Spong said...

I'm not sure what to say, except I pray that your denominational wilderness time will get you to all God promises for you. (Also, visit the UCC!)