Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Dear Bachelorette Emily,

I have been sucked into the world that is the Bachelor and Bachelorette by some friends with whom I wish to spend time.  I would normally spend my Monday night watching NCIS reruns and checking out the latest information on Disneyland at Mouseplanet.com, perfectly content to let the Bachelor or Bachelorette never to cross my path.

Alas, I like my friends and want to spend time with them, so I find myself sitting for two hours as I watch you, Emily, "date" 20 different men.  I use the term "men" loosely, as some whom have wound up in your company are merely boys playing dress-up.

Now, this is only week three in Bachelorette world.  We went through round one, which was excruciatingly boring as 25 men came to your hometown to woo you.  Those of us sitting on the couch couldn't keep track of all the men at first.  We came up with nicknames for them.  Helicopter boy, egg dude, spiky hair, bad hair, Brazilian, Mushroom man, etc.  We were very happy to see you get rid of some of those guys.

Round two was the first "dates".  Wow.  First off, who uses a whisk to mix up chocolate chip cookies?  Methinks you don't bake very much, Miss Emily.  Ryan was sweet, we liked him.  The group date was cute, we all felt bad for Charlie.  The last date was just weird.  Seriously, a clock that you put wishes in with a guy you later dumped?  Strange.  Then came the 7 page letter from Ryan...he's not so sweet anymore.  He is now getting creepy.  But then that whole "meet and greet" time is just awkward anyway.  I don't know how you could possibly get to know any of these guys well, at all.

Here we are, though, at week three.  Some men have been eliminated and the vying for your attention has begun in earnest.  I can't remember who you dated first last night.  It was fine, though, seriously, enough with the dancing in the street with the latest country singer/band.  The group date was fascinating.  Your friends definitely asked some interesting questions and one of them needs to be watched closely (really, really closely).  She was totally hitting on Sean.  Take that under advisement.  And Ryan, he's getting too possessive too quickly.  Not liking him so much anymore.  Your date to Dollywood (which was eerily empty) with Arie was nice.  He's a nice guy, seems safe...but then it's too soon to tell.

Then came that meet and greet time.  We all cheered when Egg guy gave you the egg to smash.  That was good.  We all agreed that Brazilian guy needed to go...I have a Brazilian friend, that was not a communication issue, he knew exactly what he was saying.  The one I wanted to yell at you about, though, was the one you questioned and did.nothing.about.

Emily, when a guy tells you to basically shut up because you are talking too much (when he hasn't let you get a word in at.all.) the guy needs to go.  Helicopter boy needs.to.go.  He is slimy, too sure of himself and has said to your face that he always wanted his OWN child first.  HIS.OWN.CHILD.  You have a daughter that you say you are putting first...prove it!  Be the strong woman you have shown yourself to be in moments and drop his ass!

A disgusted-with-myself-for-getting-hooked-into-this-show viewer.

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