Every once in a while, we all need a wake up call. No, I don't mean someone to literally call you on the phone and wake you up from sleeping, I mean that figuratively.
Recently my wake up call came in the form of Facebook posts. Sometimes, in the midst of my pity-party-for-one moments, I need to be reminded that my life really isn't all that difficult or awful. I don't like that these reminders come from the real-life experiences of people I know.
A few weeks back, a High School classmate lost her husband in a car accident. She is due with their first baby in a couple of months.
Today, another High School classmate posted on Facebook that 13 years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. That came after another post about two weeks ago that stated that she was having to go back on Chemo because the cancer had returned and is now at stage 4. She has three children.
Praying, today, for people I know whose lives have been turned upside down and who refuse to stop fighting.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Friday Five: Mission Impossible!
Revkjarla @ RevGals poses this Friday Five:
I am in mission trip mode right now, as I get ready to take a group of youth to DC to do service work around hunger and homelessness issues. So, in that spirit, our FF is Mission Style! So here are your questions:
1) Have you ever been on a mission trip, as a participant or adult chaperone? What was it like?
A timely Friday Five, seeing as how I just got back from a mission trip to Joplin, Missouri. This marked my 16th mission trip, with 11 of those times being to Pearlington, Mississippi. I've been on the "go to Mexico and lead VBS" trip, the, "go to Mexico and build a house" trip, the "go to the Inner City" trip and the "disaster Relief" trip. Each trip is so different, yet strangely the same. We work hard, we get little sleep and are extremely emotionally exhausted by the time we head home.
2) What is the worst thing that happened to you/your group on a mission trip (or retreat, or camp, or Habitat for Humanity experience, or something like that--hey, this is YOUR Friday Five, so you get to play it how you would like.)
Well...last year we sent a young man home from the Galveston trip. I don't know who reads this blog, so I'm not going to go into details but that was pretty tough. The first Mississippi trip we had one student step on a nail and I wound up with pink eye on the last day, going to the hospital at 2:30am. The 2nd Mississippi trip 17 women stayed in hut/shack/thing that leaked in multiple places and it RAINED hard all week long. Another Mississippi trip, with 20 or so people waiting back at the airport, we pulled into the Alamo Rent-A-Car lot only to see 2 vehicles in the entire lot and a lobby full of people waiting for cars. That was special. In fact, we had trouble with rental cars for probably half of the 11 Mississippi trips, usually in that the reserved vehicles were never there when we arrived. My Mom (aka Yo Momma) came home from one trip commenting that she had never seen me get so tough with someone as I had with the Alamo people. All that said, we haven't really had something truly awful happen, for that I'm grateful!
3) If money were no object, where would you want to go to help and serve? What would you do?
If money were no object I would be in Mississippi helping the people who are still not back in their homes from Hurricane Katrina. It's not a glamorous or exotic location but it's the place that God put on my heart to serve. Actually, if money really wasn't an issue, I would be a volunteer coordinator wherever a natural disaster struck in the United States. I'm not the overseas kind of gal.
4) What would be your advice to someone who will be sleeping in a gym with 20 other people for a week?
Ear plugs, eye mask, iPod and Tylenol PM. There are ALWAYS going to be people who snore or make funny noises during the night and there will always be random lights in the room. Also, if you are using a sleeping bag, I highly recommend taking a twin sheet with you. This last trip I put the sheet over the cot and then used my sleeping bag like a blanket. I could get my feet free in the middle of the night if I got too hot.
5) Any parting thoughts, stories, or questions you have around the whole theme of Mission Trips?
Have a good time! Smile! Don't be afraid of laughter! Be prepared to listen. Everyone has a story, listen to the story without judgement and without adding your own "stuff" onto that story. Sometimes the most important work you do all week is listening to someones story.
I am in mission trip mode right now, as I get ready to take a group of youth to DC to do service work around hunger and homelessness issues. So, in that spirit, our FF is Mission Style! So here are your questions:
1) Have you ever been on a mission trip, as a participant or adult chaperone? What was it like?
A timely Friday Five, seeing as how I just got back from a mission trip to Joplin, Missouri. This marked my 16th mission trip, with 11 of those times being to Pearlington, Mississippi. I've been on the "go to Mexico and lead VBS" trip, the, "go to Mexico and build a house" trip, the "go to the Inner City" trip and the "disaster Relief" trip. Each trip is so different, yet strangely the same. We work hard, we get little sleep and are extremely emotionally exhausted by the time we head home.
2) What is the worst thing that happened to you/your group on a mission trip (or retreat, or camp, or Habitat for Humanity experience, or something like that--hey, this is YOUR Friday Five, so you get to play it how you would like.)
Well...last year we sent a young man home from the Galveston trip. I don't know who reads this blog, so I'm not going to go into details but that was pretty tough. The first Mississippi trip we had one student step on a nail and I wound up with pink eye on the last day, going to the hospital at 2:30am. The 2nd Mississippi trip 17 women stayed in hut/shack/thing that leaked in multiple places and it RAINED hard all week long. Another Mississippi trip, with 20 or so people waiting back at the airport, we pulled into the Alamo Rent-A-Car lot only to see 2 vehicles in the entire lot and a lobby full of people waiting for cars. That was special. In fact, we had trouble with rental cars for probably half of the 11 Mississippi trips, usually in that the reserved vehicles were never there when we arrived. My Mom (aka Yo Momma) came home from one trip commenting that she had never seen me get so tough with someone as I had with the Alamo people. All that said, we haven't really had something truly awful happen, for that I'm grateful!
3) If money were no object, where would you want to go to help and serve? What would you do?
If money were no object I would be in Mississippi helping the people who are still not back in their homes from Hurricane Katrina. It's not a glamorous or exotic location but it's the place that God put on my heart to serve. Actually, if money really wasn't an issue, I would be a volunteer coordinator wherever a natural disaster struck in the United States. I'm not the overseas kind of gal.
4) What would be your advice to someone who will be sleeping in a gym with 20 other people for a week?
Ear plugs, eye mask, iPod and Tylenol PM. There are ALWAYS going to be people who snore or make funny noises during the night and there will always be random lights in the room. Also, if you are using a sleeping bag, I highly recommend taking a twin sheet with you. This last trip I put the sheet over the cot and then used my sleeping bag like a blanket. I could get my feet free in the middle of the night if I got too hot.
5) Any parting thoughts, stories, or questions you have around the whole theme of Mission Trips?
Have a good time! Smile! Don't be afraid of laughter! Be prepared to listen. Everyone has a story, listen to the story without judgement and without adding your own "stuff" onto that story. Sometimes the most important work you do all week is listening to someones story.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Oh Missouri
There is no one word for the time I spent in Missouri last week. It was good and hard at the same time. I was glad to be there and wanted to be anywhere else. In the midst of a group of people, I found myself struggling with issues that I did NOT expect to show up. I felt like I was the most unhelpful person on the trip. That's just not me. But there is it. A tough and great trip all at the same time.
Joplin, as a town, was tough. There is a lot of Meth use, a lot of need (poverty, abuse, etc.) and a lot of -ism, as in racism and sexism. The night we arrived the Pastor at the church we stayed in, told us a little about the neighborhood in which the church is located and my heart got heavier and heavier. A tornado ripping apart this town only added to the challenges the town faces every day. I was extremely excited to see how present this church was in the midst of their community, though. They aren't just a building in the midst of homes, they are reaching out to their community. That was very impressive.
The work was, well, volunteer work. With 12 relief trip experiences, this one wasn't much different. We had eager volunteers, not enough supplies, not enough work to keep them all busy and not enough tools or leaders. The youth did an amazing job, despite the lack of tools and the many moments of just standing around.
My group worked on what was eventually dubbed "the urine house" the first two days. They had been forewarned in our training to not make a big deal out of smells, so when we walked into the house, they were very stoic. Our site leader kept apologizing and opening windows. One by one the youth quietly and unobtrusively walked out of the house. It was awesome.
We ripped out trim, door frames and windowsills in preparation for the next group to come along and start rehabbing the house. The goal was to remodel this home (with 5 bedrooms), sell it and use the proceeds to build homes for the elderly and disabled in the area. The organization we worked for, Home Sweet Homes, has a goal of building 25 homes for elderly or disabled people who lost their homes in the tornado. All I can say is there is a lot of work to be done on this house.
Another of our groups was doing the same thing at a house down the road. We joined them for the part of the last three days of the trip. The group, Home Sweet Homes, had also acquired an old warehouse that they want to convert into volunteer housing as well as store all the donated materials. In between working on the job site, we also got to unload materials into the warehouse and follow a very rickety trailer all around town. Oh the stories I could tell! The best line I heard all week came from the organizations leader as he backed that trailer into the guide wires leading to a power pole "Oh, it's okay, the power company owns it." Enough said.
More to come...
(I tried to include pictures but Blogger was having a bit of a fit.)
Joplin, as a town, was tough. There is a lot of Meth use, a lot of need (poverty, abuse, etc.) and a lot of -ism, as in racism and sexism. The night we arrived the Pastor at the church we stayed in, told us a little about the neighborhood in which the church is located and my heart got heavier and heavier. A tornado ripping apart this town only added to the challenges the town faces every day. I was extremely excited to see how present this church was in the midst of their community, though. They aren't just a building in the midst of homes, they are reaching out to their community. That was very impressive.
The work was, well, volunteer work. With 12 relief trip experiences, this one wasn't much different. We had eager volunteers, not enough supplies, not enough work to keep them all busy and not enough tools or leaders. The youth did an amazing job, despite the lack of tools and the many moments of just standing around.
My group worked on what was eventually dubbed "the urine house" the first two days. They had been forewarned in our training to not make a big deal out of smells, so when we walked into the house, they were very stoic. Our site leader kept apologizing and opening windows. One by one the youth quietly and unobtrusively walked out of the house. It was awesome.
We ripped out trim, door frames and windowsills in preparation for the next group to come along and start rehabbing the house. The goal was to remodel this home (with 5 bedrooms), sell it and use the proceeds to build homes for the elderly and disabled in the area. The organization we worked for, Home Sweet Homes, has a goal of building 25 homes for elderly or disabled people who lost their homes in the tornado. All I can say is there is a lot of work to be done on this house.
Another of our groups was doing the same thing at a house down the road. We joined them for the part of the last three days of the trip. The group, Home Sweet Homes, had also acquired an old warehouse that they want to convert into volunteer housing as well as store all the donated materials. In between working on the job site, we also got to unload materials into the warehouse and follow a very rickety trailer all around town. Oh the stories I could tell! The best line I heard all week came from the organizations leader as he backed that trailer into the guide wires leading to a power pole "Oh, it's okay, the power company owns it." Enough said.
More to come...
(I tried to include pictures but Blogger was having a bit of a fit.)
Monday, April 9, 2012
My life as an introvert
The feeling was overwhelming all at once. The need urgent. I've lived this life for 37 years, I should know by now when to anticipate it, but still the feeling creeps up quietly and then pounces, like house cat going after a bird. I should notice the signs, the frustration level that creeps up and up. The little voice in my head that says all the sarcastic things that my regular voice only sometimes says (I can hear some people laughing at that. Trust me, only a quarter of the sarcasm actually makes it to the air). The tightness of my shoulders and back, the all-over tiredness. They are all signs of impending meltdown.
The last six months I've wavered in and out of my experience of depression. There were days when life looked very bleak, when the sun wasn't going to shine. This is not the same. Life is fine, I am fine, correction, I will be fine when I get time alone! This is my life as an introvert.
Spending 11 years as a Youth Director and Worship Leader, I fought against my nature on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Small talk has always been ridiculously hard for me, it increased ten-fold on Sunday mornings. I had to be "on" and "energetic" two modes of operating that took a lot out of me. Sunday mornings were painful at times, especially if I didn't have a chance on Friday or Saturday to recharge. It took me a few years to realize just how much I needed those days to regroup and be ready to face another week. I was an introvert living an extrovert life.
Yet, I've learned how to deal with this part of my personality. Not just deal, accept and accommodate my deeply introverted state. I tend to sit in the back of the room, not as a way to escape, but as a way to prepare. I can see everyone and have a view of the room to prepare when people are coming my way. I sit quietly, not verbally engaging but smiling, in a group of people and wait until it feels safe to say something. I keep myself busy, in the background, helping others so that I can avoid those oh-so-hard small talk times. I find the one other person who struggles in these situations and hang out with them. Most importantly, I take the time that I need to be alone and rejuvenate...though sometimes other people don't understand that.
Once I started really figuring out just how I worked, what would make me crazy in an instant or when I was hovering over the edge of complete and total meltdown, I started letting other people in on the secret to me. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out on a Friday night, I really couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't love hanging out with youth who stopped in hours before youth group, I honestly needed a chance to prepare myself for youth group, mentally, and sometimes I just couldn't hang out. It wasn't that I thought myself elite and above everyone else, it was simply painful to be in an unknown situation and hard to climb out of my introverted shy self. I can put on the extroverted mask and be the one in charge for 22 hours of the day, but I need those 2 hours to be by myself and recharge before I can it again...okay, more like 21 to 3. At the end of a long week with 20 other people on a Mission trip or any kind of other trip, I've put in all I can of myself and you can bet that I won't be perky and up to hanging out for a couple of days. In fact, I may just hide for two days in my house. Don't worry, I will eventually emerge again. I just need space.
While I'm not in full-time ministry anymore, my personality hasn't changed. I still am that introverted person. I still face the realities of me every single day. I accomodate my needs the best I can and put on a good face 75% of the time. I am still, though, caught off guard from time to time when that feeling overwhelms me. That desperate need to have space. I've still got some learning to do.
I am an introvert...that's just the way God made me.
The last six months I've wavered in and out of my experience of depression. There were days when life looked very bleak, when the sun wasn't going to shine. This is not the same. Life is fine, I am fine, correction, I will be fine when I get time alone! This is my life as an introvert.
Spending 11 years as a Youth Director and Worship Leader, I fought against my nature on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. Small talk has always been ridiculously hard for me, it increased ten-fold on Sunday mornings. I had to be "on" and "energetic" two modes of operating that took a lot out of me. Sunday mornings were painful at times, especially if I didn't have a chance on Friday or Saturday to recharge. It took me a few years to realize just how much I needed those days to regroup and be ready to face another week. I was an introvert living an extrovert life.
Yet, I've learned how to deal with this part of my personality. Not just deal, accept and accommodate my deeply introverted state. I tend to sit in the back of the room, not as a way to escape, but as a way to prepare. I can see everyone and have a view of the room to prepare when people are coming my way. I sit quietly, not verbally engaging but smiling, in a group of people and wait until it feels safe to say something. I keep myself busy, in the background, helping others so that I can avoid those oh-so-hard small talk times. I find the one other person who struggles in these situations and hang out with them. Most importantly, I take the time that I need to be alone and rejuvenate...though sometimes other people don't understand that.
Once I started really figuring out just how I worked, what would make me crazy in an instant or when I was hovering over the edge of complete and total meltdown, I started letting other people in on the secret to me. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out on a Friday night, I really couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't love hanging out with youth who stopped in hours before youth group, I honestly needed a chance to prepare myself for youth group, mentally, and sometimes I just couldn't hang out. It wasn't that I thought myself elite and above everyone else, it was simply painful to be in an unknown situation and hard to climb out of my introverted shy self. I can put on the extroverted mask and be the one in charge for 22 hours of the day, but I need those 2 hours to be by myself and recharge before I can it again...okay, more like 21 to 3. At the end of a long week with 20 other people on a Mission trip or any kind of other trip, I've put in all I can of myself and you can bet that I won't be perky and up to hanging out for a couple of days. In fact, I may just hide for two days in my house. Don't worry, I will eventually emerge again. I just need space.
While I'm not in full-time ministry anymore, my personality hasn't changed. I still am that introverted person. I still face the realities of me every single day. I accomodate my needs the best I can and put on a good face 75% of the time. I am still, though, caught off guard from time to time when that feeling overwhelms me. That desperate need to have space. I've still got some learning to do.
I am an introvert...that's just the way God made me.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Joplin Bound
Having an employer with a motto of "Service Above Self" is a good thing. They didn't even blink when I said, at my initial interview, that I would be in Joplin, Missouri this week. In fact, they are even letting me make up hours when I get back. So awesome!
Today I join 32 of my closest HSCC friends and one favorite from FPC. We'll be spending a week in Joplin helping with Tornado Recovery work. In a little twist of irony, my friend Tom from Mississippi called me soon after the tornado hit last May and asked if I would be willing to take a group to Joplin. I'm sure you all know my response. :) It turned out that there were plenty of other groups going at that time but here I am, almost a year later, making the trek. I'm not sure what to pray for this week besides an openness and willingness to follow God.
If you would like to check on our progress, you can go here -->hsccyouth.org<-- , click on the "Oasis" circle and follow the link on that page to get all the latest updates and photos and maybe even some video blogs from the students.
See you in a week (unless I get computer access and then you never know!)
Today I join 32 of my closest HSCC friends and one favorite from FPC. We'll be spending a week in Joplin helping with Tornado Recovery work. In a little twist of irony, my friend Tom from Mississippi called me soon after the tornado hit last May and asked if I would be willing to take a group to Joplin. I'm sure you all know my response. :) It turned out that there were plenty of other groups going at that time but here I am, almost a year later, making the trek. I'm not sure what to pray for this week besides an openness and willingness to follow God.
If you would like to check on our progress, you can go here -->hsccyouth.org<-- , click on the "Oasis" circle and follow the link on that page to get all the latest updates and photos and maybe even some video blogs from the students.
See you in a week (unless I get computer access and then you never know!)
Friday, March 30, 2012
What color is your world?
My friend Emily left a comment about a post yesterday. You can find it for yourself, if you like. Her comment made me think about how I view life.
I'm not sure if I'm a glass-half-empty or glass-half-full kind of person. I think it tends to change depending on the situation and how much sleep I've had. I do know that I don't look at the world and see either black or white. I look at the world and see a lot of color.
I look out at the world and see a plethora of color, of ideas, attitudes, genetic make-up, past history and future history that creates and molds human beings into the complex beings they are. I look at problems and situations and don't just see right or wrong but the vast chasm of humanity in between. I at the trees, plants, animals, all of nature in general and marvel at the details, the complexity of all that is there. I see a lot of color.
In my judgement, people who only see black and white are missing out, limiting themselves, not seeing the complete picture of the world. The attitude of "it's either this or that, but can't be anything else" saddens me, frustrates me and leaves the impression of a very small, very cold world. I know many people who live in the world of black or white.
I live in a world of color. A world of confusion and complexity. I live in a world where there are more things left unanswered than answered. I live in a world of mystery, of grace, of chaos, of control, of ups and downs, lefts and rights, of beauty and ugliness. I live in a world that allows people to be people, whether I get it or not. I live in a world requiring me to recognize and accept the imperfection of people including myself. I live in a world where I don't have all the answers, where I may never have answers and I have to be okay with that. I live in a world with a great big God who can do great big mighty things, who knows so much more than I could ever know...and who has created some amazing colors.
What color is your world?
I'm not sure if I'm a glass-half-empty or glass-half-full kind of person. I think it tends to change depending on the situation and how much sleep I've had. I do know that I don't look at the world and see either black or white. I look at the world and see a lot of color.
I look out at the world and see a plethora of color, of ideas, attitudes, genetic make-up, past history and future history that creates and molds human beings into the complex beings they are. I look at problems and situations and don't just see right or wrong but the vast chasm of humanity in between. I at the trees, plants, animals, all of nature in general and marvel at the details, the complexity of all that is there. I see a lot of color.
In my judgement, people who only see black and white are missing out, limiting themselves, not seeing the complete picture of the world. The attitude of "it's either this or that, but can't be anything else" saddens me, frustrates me and leaves the impression of a very small, very cold world. I know many people who live in the world of black or white.
I live in a world of color. A world of confusion and complexity. I live in a world where there are more things left unanswered than answered. I live in a world of mystery, of grace, of chaos, of control, of ups and downs, lefts and rights, of beauty and ugliness. I live in a world that allows people to be people, whether I get it or not. I live in a world requiring me to recognize and accept the imperfection of people including myself. I live in a world where I don't have all the answers, where I may never have answers and I have to be okay with that. I live in a world with a great big God who can do great big mighty things, who knows so much more than I could ever know...and who has created some amazing colors.
What color is your world?
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Glass
I cried on the bus this morning.
That sentence sounds very dramatic. The moment didn't happen anything like that.
What did happen was I got on the bus, found a seat just for me, put in my headphones, turned on my iPod and listened to a song...which made me think of life...which made me think of a friend who's had more than their fair share of ups and downs and turmoils. Life is looking up for this friend but the past is still there...the wounds life has dealt are beginning to scab over...the scars will still remain. All of this was going through my head and the next thing I knew the tears had formed and were trickling down my cheeks. I'm not sure anyone around me noticed. I didn't try to hide the tears. I let them fall.
The tears came easily, partly because they have been waiting, just behind the lids of my eyes for a few weeks now. My soul has been feeling a little fragile, a little tender lately. The tears fall easily. It happened at work just last week. I found myself reading something, an email I think, and the those waiting tears commenced.
At church on Sunday, the same thing happened. I'm not sure if it was Pastor Bruce or the visiting Missionary but someone said something and there they were, those tears.
I've been in this place before, this tears-in-waiting place. It's usually as God begins to birth something new in my life. I have no idea what is coming next. All I know is I'm feeling a little fragile...kinda like glass...and it's a good thing.
Just in case you are curious, the video below is the song...I deliberately chose the video that just had the lyrics and music. Thompson Square "Glass".
That sentence sounds very dramatic. The moment didn't happen anything like that.
What did happen was I got on the bus, found a seat just for me, put in my headphones, turned on my iPod and listened to a song...which made me think of life...which made me think of a friend who's had more than their fair share of ups and downs and turmoils. Life is looking up for this friend but the past is still there...the wounds life has dealt are beginning to scab over...the scars will still remain. All of this was going through my head and the next thing I knew the tears had formed and were trickling down my cheeks. I'm not sure anyone around me noticed. I didn't try to hide the tears. I let them fall.
The tears came easily, partly because they have been waiting, just behind the lids of my eyes for a few weeks now. My soul has been feeling a little fragile, a little tender lately. The tears fall easily. It happened at work just last week. I found myself reading something, an email I think, and the those waiting tears commenced.
At church on Sunday, the same thing happened. I'm not sure if it was Pastor Bruce or the visiting Missionary but someone said something and there they were, those tears.
I've been in this place before, this tears-in-waiting place. It's usually as God begins to birth something new in my life. I have no idea what is coming next. All I know is I'm feeling a little fragile...kinda like glass...and it's a good thing.
Just in case you are curious, the video below is the song...I deliberately chose the video that just had the lyrics and music. Thompson Square "Glass".
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