Sometimes we just need someone to listen

My role in many friendships tends to be that of listener.  I am a naturally quiet, introspective person and many people who need to talk find those qualities to be helpful.  I regularly find myself listening to people whom I know well and many times to people in line at the grocery store or in the aisle at Home Depot.  Somethings I am privileged to hear, others...

Listening really is an art.  Though part of it comes naturally to me, another part has been learned.  There is a difference between listening to react and listening just to listen.  Most of us listen to react, ie, as the other person is talking we are forming our thoughts and sentences in order to react to what they are saying, give advice, argue, what-have-you.  When we listen to react, we aren't actually hearing what the other person is saying.

Listening just to listen is harder.  It means I have to put my own thoughts and reactions aside (I can't BELIEVE she just said that, does she know how WRONG that is!) and simply hear the person speaking.  For me, that also means hearing the layers of stuff that are beneath the words.  The nuances in the phrases or the body language and eye contact.

Facebook is a place where we don't do well at listening just to listen.  Part of it stems from the very self-focused nature of FB to begin with, part of it stems from our need to solve everyone else's problems.  I'm a part of a FB group where I am constantly scanning and reading the threads.  This particular group is a helper type group anyway, so anytime someone posts something there a bunch of people responding with "we did..." or "in my instance..."  Well meaning but sometimes the person posting in the first place just needs these three words.  "I hear you."

I learned those three words from my friend JL.  I've worked hard to embody those words.  I hear you.  Because, folks, we all need to be heard.  Not given ways to fix the problem, not told how we could do it better, not told stories of when it happened to the other person that's really not relevant but struck them as a story to tell.  We all just need to be heard.

As someone who has something traumatic/unexpected/overwhelming happen in their family, I have needed to have people who are there to listen to me.  There are definitely people on my safe list and then there are the others, those who want to give advice, who want me (us) to feel comforted and they offer what they believe are words of comfort (there's a whole 'nother post here but let me just say I told one friend if she uttered a particular phrase I would invoke my super powers and make sure she had shoe malfunctions every day and she would get a not so nice nickname on Facebook...I'm that passionate about this particular phrase not being uttered to me or my mom or brother or dad.)  Yo Momma spotted a link to an article of Facebook and I checked it out (Kimi, she swears it was a share on your FB page...if so, THANK YOU!)

It's good.  So good.  Take a look for yourself.   http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

Sometimes, we all just need someone to listen and say back to us, "I hear you."  Enough said.

Sounds

There are certain sounds that I love.  Here are just a few: 

The sound of voices raised in harmonious song with or without accompaniment.

The sound of uncontrollable belly laughter either from children or adults.

The sound of snow falling on the ground in the still of the night.

The sound of guitars melding together in song.  (These Cd's are my favorite's.)

The sound of God's voice...that one has many different tones and textures...if sound can have textures.

And tonight, I heard another sound that made my heart melt.

A little voice calling out "Brittany, where are you?"

Announcement

The written version of what I shared in church this morning...life is changing!!

In the youth room downstairs, there is a wall that we have dubbed the Level Ground Wall of Fame.  On the wall are the hand prints and names of youth who have been a part of the high school ministry here at Felton Pres.  It started out as rite of passage, a way showing the youth that they have a place here, that they belong to the body of Christ.  Over the years we have also added hand prints of youth leaders who have been a part of the group for a time.  Those hand prints bring back great memories of people and adventures that we have experienced in youth ministry over the last 12 years.

In the last few months I’ve spent time praying, listening, talking to God and doing a lot of soul searching.  As clearly as I heard God calling me to be a part of the ministry at Felton Pres, I am hearing God calling me out of ministry.  To that end I have decided to resign as the Director of Youth and Young Adult Ministries and first service Worship leader.  My hand print will soon join those on the Level Ground Wall of Fame. I have been so blessed to be employed here, to grow and explore the calling on my life to reach out to the youth of this community and to share in the work that God is doing through this church.  I will be forever grateful for the love, grace, encouragement and support that this congregation has shown me, not only as an employee, but as one who has grown up in this church.

My future is very unclear.  God hasn’t revealed what’s next for me, though I’m sure some of you have some suggestions.  I’m not heading to school, there isn’t another job, I just know that God is asking me to step back from ministry here and take a leap of faith.   I do so confident that God has called me to this decision and that God will guide me wherever I am supposed to go…or as Ellen M. told me the other day, in the spirit of Jonah and the Whale, I’m excited to see where God is going to throw me up.

I will not be leaving until mid-August.  My end date is officially August 14^th, so there are still 8 weeks of ministry to do here and I do so excited about the future but with a heavy heart.  Leaving here will be hard on many levels but most simply because you all have been my church family for 36 years.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity 12 years ago to answer God’s call.  I ask now, that you pray with me and for me as God and I begin a new adventure together.

Retreat

A week from today I will be sitting on the shores of a lake.  This could potentially be my view. (Admittedly borrowed the pic from a website.)

The last time I sat around this lake was a couple of years ago.  Two days before I had sat around a lake close by and got a nasty sunburn on my legs.  Two days later, as I sat along the shore of this lake, snowflakes were falling onto my very burnt legs.  Kind of a strange week.

Next week it may very well be the same kind of weather but I will be better prepared (i.e. have long pants and sweatshirts!).

What I am looking forward to, isn't the weather so much, or even the view, it's the space.  I'm paying big bucks to go spend time with God.  There is a part of my brain that says it's wrong that I have to pay money in order to take time to spend with God, but I know myself.  I know that carving out this time is hard.  Other things get in the way.  Having this space seems so precious, so sacred, so needed.  The fact that the retreat that I'm going to is in one of the most beautiful locations in the world (yes, I am a little biased), well, that's a bonus. (Plus people I love live there too.  Double bonus!)

I'm counting down the days and praying in the meantime for ears to hear, a heart that is open and eyes to see what God wants to share...or not share. 

Just Be

I was up early this morning. After two nights of not sleeping well, I was extra tired this morning. It was definitely a coffee morning.

I was the first to arrive at church. That's becoming more and more common lately. This morning, though, as I was turning on lights and getting things ready for the VBS kids, I became aware of the silence. It was a peaceful silence that urged me, begged me, to sit and listen. To pray, to breathe, to be still. So I was still. I listened to the silence and said a quick prayer. It was the only moment all day long that I truly felt at peace.

Mornings are not my thing. Even knowing that I need to be up early, it's hard to get to bed and settle down before 10 or 11 most nights...sometimes even later. The nights are when I can hide away from the world and let myself re-energize. To have a moment in the morning where I felt energized and ready to go was different. I can see why people get up extra early to spend time with God in the morning. It was good.

Doesn't mean I'm going to change my patterns. It does mean that I'm going to be more careful to listen to that voice, the one that urges me to stop what I'm doing and breathe, pray, listen and be still. That voice that says just "be". Good things happen when I stop and listen to God.

Abide with me

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. " John 15:1-7

Last night the Young Adult group gathered at my house. After the ice cream sundaes we had a fantastic discussion (seriously almost 2 hours) and as we were ending, one of the group read John 15. For most of the group, the image of the vine being pruned stood out. What hit me were the words "abide in me".

The last week has been a week of introspection. I've been contemplating relationships, my job, where I put God in life, my successes and failures and so much more. At the beginning of the week, I met with someone who has been acting as a kind of spiritual director in my life and he asked a series of questions that brought me to the edge of tears. I spoke aloud words that I've hidden pretty deeply inside and know that they are just the top layer of stuff that needs to be worked through. It's been that kind of a week. In the midst of it I've felt pretty alone too. Admittedly, part of that is my own doing but not all. And then the words last night "abide with me".

God's been on the back-burner of life lately. I've been going through the motions, been putting a lot of energy into other places and haven't given God much nor have I allowed God to give me much. I don't like myself when that happens. I don't like the me that appears when God gets too little.

Abide with me...I'm pretty sure that in the midst of a group of people, who have become a bright spot in life, God did a little talking last night.

The sounds

Sometime on early Tuesday it started. The girl became aware of the sounds around her. Outside her window the pitter patter of rain falling on the deck caught her attention, gentle at first, gradually building into an harder more desperate rhythm. Water rushing down downspouts was the next sound she heard and then the wind.

The rushing wind that blew gustily, blowing the rain drops in different directions, whirling in a circle, causing the wind chimes to sound. The wind that rushed through the trees outside the window, then blew a pail over, causing it to clatter. The wind that kept the girl listening intently for a sound that never came, the cracking and crashing of trees falling.

And then the sound of three beeps from inside the window. Silence reigned. No rumble of a refrigerator motor or hum from a phone. Just silence. There were footsteps above her, coming down the stairs, into the room next door, light flashed beneath her door, hands rummaged through drawers. The footsteps retraced their path and then the silence returned inside the window.

Thunder was next, though the flashing of the lightening was a warning of the impending rumble. The sound of furniture moving in heaven? Bowling? God laughing? It rumbled so deeply the window shook as the wind carried the sound farther and longer, rushing through the trees, over the earth, through the rain. Even with the lightening warning that the thunder was on its way, the girl still paused in utter stillness as the rumble began, hoping the earth stayed still underneath her for rumbling doesn't always come from the sky.

As the sun came up the silence was outside the window. The wind had slowed, the rain had slowed. The piercing beeping of a garbage truck broke the stillness. A stillness that wasn't normally there. The steady of hum of tires on pavement didn't rush up the hill and through the window. An eerie silence marked the first clue that all was not the same down the hill. The click whoooosh of the furnace moved the girl from her intent listening. The power was on! The sound of footsteps and hurried movements were her own, the hiss of the shower began. Alas the hum of the hairdryer was not to be...three beeps sounded again and silence returned inside the house.

Later, through the car window the sound of wipers moving across the window kept time to the sound of songs on the radio. Underneath the tires water, leaves and small branches crunched and splashed. There were few sounds of cars driving around her. This was a different weekday then normal. No sounds of cars rushing kids to school, no sounds of kids in hallways...no school.

Outside her window at work, the wind blew through the trees, causing creaks and cracks that had the girl looking out the window every so often, waiting for the branches to fall. But the sight never came, no sound of branches falling, just the CRACK! of a branch letting loose from it's home a little. Inside the window was the sound of the days. Voices talking, laughing. Doors opening and closing. Footsteps walking up and down hallways, overhead, inside it felt like a normal day, but every so often, the voices would express a moment of worry. Is there power? How much more will it gust and drip outside? Tomorrow is going to be worse, the voices said.

Tomorrow was about the same. That tomorrow night, the girl sat listening again. The sounds were different than the previous day. The rushing of cars on streets below drifted through the windows. The constant hum of generators in the distant reminded her that all was not the same as before. But there was a new sound, something that the wind and the rain had brought out, a sound that brought a smile to the girls face. A chorus of sound that delighted her ears and brought a smile to her face. "Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit," the singing of frogs danced through the air. "Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit," the singing frogs lulled her to sleep.

Watch for flying apples!

**Warning, this is an extra long post that's been brewing for a couple of weeks...

A couple of years ago we joined up with another church for our annual snow trip. We rented houses, borrowed vehicles and headed out for an adventure. An adventure it was. We had car problems, lots and lots of snow, an emergency car rental to get everyone home and then a blow-out on the way home on one of the cars. By the time we arrived back at the church at 10pm, we were tired. Snow trips are fun but I usually never get enough sleep, and this weekend wasn't any different. After everyone was finally picked up, I loaded up the leftover stuff and R-girl into the car and headed for home, thinking the adventure was behind us.

The road we took home wasn't the usual one for us. There are two roads that head our direction and as it turns out Road B was more direct than Road A, the usual route home. Road B is a little more secluded and tends to be less traveled by cars. As we drove towards home, R-girl and I were reviewing the weekend, commiserating about our general lack of sleep and laughing about things that had happened. We rounded a corner and that's when we saw the deer. He was a proud fellow with a good set of horns on his head and he was enjoying his late night snack by the side of the road. Now, being the semi-country girl that I am, I know that deer will do one of two things when headlights come at them. Run across the road in front of the car or stand still. Not knowing what this proud deer was going to do, I did what comes naturally to a person in this situation. I hit the brakes.

The brakes on this rental vehicle worked really well. We came to an immediate stop. The apples in the Costco pack on the back seat did not. Within seconds R-girl and I were being pelted by apples from inside our own vehicle! The combination of sleep deprivation, adrenaline from a quick stop and being pelted with apples had us in giggles. The proud deer looked at us for a second and resumed munching his snack. Amidst our giggling, R-girl and I managed to round up the apples and returning them to their pack and their place on the back seat.

As we headed on home, we were on alert now. As we drove away from proud deer we kept watching the side of the road to make sure there weren't any friends nearby. About a half mile down the road, I let my guard down a little and was in the midst of yawning very widely when I saw it. Proud deer's girlfriend. Again I hit the brakes and again the apples went flying! This time R-girl, amidst the laughter, was grumbling "dumb apples, dumb deer". What are the chances of the same thing happening two times in one night?

I managed to drop R-girl off safe and sound a few minutes later and made it home without any more deer spotting that night. The memory, though, has stayed with us. Yesterday, R-girl and I were reminiscing about the dumb deer and dumb apples and the thought hit me; dumb me. In my haste to get home, I had placed the pack of apples on top of a box on the back seat of the rental car. I remember thinking "I should move that to the seat" but got distracted and never did. And then, once we had the first apple flying encounter, instead of putting them on the floor or on the seat next to the box, I put the box of apples back in the same, exact place. You know what? I did the same thing after the second pelting. The apples went right back on top of that box.

So many times in my life, I do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results only to never see any change. As the phrase goes "When you do what you always do, you get what you always get." Yep. Pretty clear. Put the apples on the box, when you slam on the brakes, you will be pelted. Didn't learn it the first time? How about the second? Want to go for a third?

Change is a hard word for humans...it's even harder in a church setting. We do the things we do because we've always done them that way. They've worked before, they should work now. Mention the "c" word, and be ready for the firing range. Change is threatening, scary and seems to indicate that there is something desperately wrong with the person, the group of people, the institution. And so, we keep putting the apples back on the box, only to have them fly off and whack us in the head every once in a while.

Over the weekend I heard from many different speakers and God seemed to be saying the same thing through each of them...it's time for a change. In order for the Church universal to survive, we need to be changing. Not for the sake of change but because times are changing, people are changing. I loved how one speaker said it, Jesus will always be timeless but many of the things in our churches are not timeless. Some of those things need to be eliminated in order for the Church to survive, for the message of Jesus to be heard, for the peace of God to be shown.

Coming home and sharing that message with a handful of people, the reality of the threatening aspect of change hit home. Some reacted with a passion, immediately jumping to protect that which they cherished (and I hadn't even brought up...hmmmmmm...), some nodded their head in agreement and put the apples back on the box they had been resting on before, one passionately agreed and said "preach it, sister!". I know that God is working, I know that God is speaking to my heart for a reason and I'm listening. Praying for the strength to do and say what God is wanting me to say and do, that I will be able to listen, respectfully, to those who disagree and that God will speak louder than our fears. I'm watching for deer and flying apples.

Paying attention

In our weekly staff meetings we've been discussing a book by Ruth Haley Barton titled "Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership". This morning I remembered at 8:45am that I had yet to read the chapter for this week for our 9:30am meeting...and I still had to dry my hair, get dressed and drive to work...and stop for coffee because it's that kind of a day.

I made it to work by 9:23 and had 7 minutes to read as much as possible of the chapter. That's when I read these words,

"Many of us are choosing to live lives that do not set us up to pay attention, to notice the those places where God is at work and to ask ourselves what these things mean. We long for a word from the Lord, but somehow have been suckered into believing that the pace we keep is what leadership requires. We slide inexorably into a way of life that offers little or no opportunity for paying attention and then wonder why we are not hearing from God when we need God most." (p. 62)

Okay, I get it.

Hot

It's hot. Stinkin' hot. It shouldn't be this hot in here in May people. Really. At 5pm our outdoor thermometer read 102. The thermometer upstairs read 92, the one in the stairwell read 85 and the one downstairs read 80. I've opened all the windows and doors, turned on all the fans and have managed to get the indoor temps down about 12 degrees at 9:15pm. I will say after living in the Central Valley, I do appreciate that nights get cooler on the coast. Still it's just too hot!

The thing that is getting me through this hot spell, besides the fan I've dug out of the closet is the constant reminder that I am leaving town in less than 48 hours. In fact, if I did the math it's probably close to 38 hours. YES! Guaranteed that it's gonna be cooler at the Lake than it is here. Oh, yeah and there's the whole week away from normal work. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

I suddenly got a little nervous the other day, though, when I realized that I will be spending 3 days talking with God. It hit me that I am opening up myself to God in a way that I haven't in a very long time and that's a little nerve wracking. God tends to show up and start talking, which always leads to something that I never thought would happen and, well, I'm just a little nervous. I'll keep you posted!

Great, one of the neighborhood dogs just annoyed a skunk. So much for cooling off the house! 37 hours and I'm gone!

Edited to Add: I just checked the forcast for the Lake...they are predicting snow flurries for next Friday. I realize that's a week out but hello from 100 degree weather to snow flurries in a week. Can anyone say Global Warming?

Froggy

One day last week I woke up with a sore throat and stuffy nose. I knew that my allergies were bad but I also knew that this was not just allergies. So I did what I've done for the last few times a cold has been attempting to overtake my sinuses and headed to the local juice shop for a "coldbuster" smoothie. My stuffy nose symptoms disappeared (which is really the part that bugs me the most) but my sore throat persisted. Saturday morning I realized my voice was going to leave for awhile.

I struggled through worship on Sunday. Many people wanted to chat, which is fine but it took a toll on my voice. By the time I made it home in the afternoon, my voice sounded very froggy. And that's how it has been for the last few days. Froggy.

It's only when it's harder to talk that I notice how often I talk. I'm a pretty quiet person by nature, but I'm in a pretty vocal job. It's harder to talk over students in youth group. And leading in worship songs, forget it! I can start the song but everyone else needs to do the rest of the work. I lost my breath mid sentence in Bible Study today because I was working so hard to project my voice that I ran out of air.

Feeling froggy has been good, though, as I've sat back and listened to things around me. Monday night's Worship Team rehearsal there were a couple of times when all I could do was listen to the beautiful harmony coming from my teammates. There was a beauty in the simplicity of just a couple of voices as opposed to the 6 or so that are normally singing. Even if my voice is back in full form on Sunday, I think I'm going to have to suddenly lose my voice on that song.

Today in Bible Study I sat and listened to the students I was with. I realized that they have formed a bond that goes beyond just youth group, it's a deeper friendship based on shared experiences with God. It was a beautiful sound. And last night, at Middle School Group, I listened to the silence as students took in the message that God had prepared for them. The silence spoke volumes.

So, while I'm a little froggy, I'm paying more attention to God's movement, God's speaking, God's whispers and realizing that I need to be froggy a little bit more often.