There are times when it's hard to believe in an all-loving, compassionate, caring God. It's usually the times when life has taken a nose-dive, when the rocks at the bottom of the valley are piercing into the deepest part of my soul. When every breath hurts because of the bumps and bruises that have come along with the nose-dive, when every movement is a reminder of the hard landing and all I really want to do is just scream at the top of my lungs "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!"...and receive a response to my words that makes sense. Not one of those throw away lines that are supposed to be helpful, but really aren't like"God has a plan", "God will only give you what you can handle" (ahem, that one needs to be deleted from Christianese, IMHO) or fill in the phrase that is most irritating to you, but words that make the whole situation understandable, clear and semi-acceptable.
I know that God is all-love, compassionate and caring. I really do. In the midst of tragedy, pain and suffering, though, it's really hard to believe in that God. When dealing with struggles of immense proportions, when the gritty reality of our humanness comes to light, when the fragility of life becomes overwhelmingly obvious, it just gets hard to believe.
But I do believe in that all-loving, compassionate, caring God...which in a way makes it easier to breathe, easier to scream out to God, easier to complain to and about, easier to question, easier to struggle with. It doesn't make the nose-dive any less painful, bruises any less real, but it does make it easier, even if in very small ways.
While my life isn't in a nose-dive, at the moment, my soul is raging to this all-loving, compassionate, caring God on behalf of two friends. One's husband has died, the other's husband is dying. Words cannot begin to heal their pain. Praying today for Meg and Kristin.