Grief check-up

Walking this path of grief, I'm always aware that my path is unique to me.  What I need, isn't what other's need.  What turns me off and makes me want to run away screaming, may be comforting and helpful to other people.  It's helpful to write down what it is I need, don't need, sometimes need and what I have to offer at the moment, so here goes.

Here's what I need:

• People to listen to me or read what I write.
• People who will simply pray or think of me throughout the day.
• Virtual hugs...RevGals introduced me to this one.  It's simple. Take a persons name and insert it into parentheses, such as ((Brittany)).  I dig those.
• Little simple notes "thinking of you", "love you", etc.  Or in the case of one friend, inappropriate text Fridays.  =)
• A lot of grace and understanding.  It's hard just to get up in the morning.  All I want to do is hide away from the world.  I'm working, really working, at being open and available but oh gosh, it's hard 'cuz I am wrung out emotionally.  I find myself exhausted at the end of the week, just from going to work each day and being "on".  My introverted tendencies are now swamped by the emotional overload of grief...it's just a tough time in life.

Here's what I don't need:

• Reassurance of God's presence...I'm fully aware of God's presence.  I'm not mad at God and I don't feel abandoned by God...y'all can stand down.
• To be told the details of your prayers.
• Detailed stories from your own walk with grief.
• Reassurance that "this too will pass"...yeah, that one isn't good.
• Scripture verses quoted.

Here's what I sometimes need:

• Physical Hugs.  This one is tough.  I've found that my inner sensitivity levels are interlinked to physical touch, if that makes sense at all.  Sometimes I am good with hugs and sometimes, wow, sometimes I really just don't want to be touched because I will come undone.

Here's what I can offer others right now:

• Not a lot.
• Honesty, but only if I deem you trustworthy or really willing to accept what I have to say...even then, I'm finding I don't have much to lose these days...either that or I don't have much of a guard/shield/filter in place.
• Tears on demand.
• Watery smiles.
• Sincere gratitude for those walking beside me.  

On the path of grief

"Praying."

That's all the text says, most times.  Just one word and I'm moved to tears.

The texts have been coming for two months now, usually around the same moments when I'm feeling pretty shaky.

There is no expectation of answers or accolades.  No requests for prayer in return.  Just a simple acknowledgement of prayer and support.

I see the woman who sends me these texts, at church.  I usually walk right into her hugs, whisper a thank you and that's all.  I can't get any more words out.  The lump in my throat won't let me.

The beauty of these texts are two fold:

1.  She is acknowledging the pain, the grief, the tough journey I am on, and will continue to be on for a long time, and honoring the journey with her acknowledgement.

2.  Through this simple act, she is bringing me comfort and reminding me God is right here, in the midst of this storm.  The word content of her prayers does not matter to me, there is simply comfort in the knowledge of the prayer being said, to the God I follow.

To me, this is church.  This is being in authentic community with one another.  This is living out one's faith.  This is how we walk through grief with one another...simply acknowledging the journey.  I'm grateful to have her friendship on this road.

Legacy

Hello from OKC!

It's tough to blog without a full keyboard, but I had the overwhelming need to get my thoughts out on "paper"...so here goes.

Today was our first full day of work.  The group was split into 5 teams and I was put in charge of one team.  I chose the work I knew I could handle, Sheetrock, which is hysterical in one sense because I have struggled nightly with Sheetrock over the life of these trips. Many a swear word has been uttered.

Anyhow, my team was at Eddie's house finishing up one missing, taping, sanding and patching.  Let me just say, it was a struggle. The students were excellent. They were helpful, eager, excite and ready...and none of them knew a thing about what we were doing.
About halfway through the day, after teaching mudding techniques, "scrape off the excess into the tray like this to get a clean line", showing how to fill holes and sand down excess, I faced the holes in the ceiling. I knew enough to fake it...and asked for help when I didn't but mostly I stood back, gave instruction and let the students go for it.  It was a challenging day. At the end of the day, as we put one last piece of drywall in, the heard myself say to the young woman who was struggling with the screw,"Keep going,but will suck in," and I knew that I had one person to thank for the knowledge I had used all day long...it was the same man whose words had just flown from my lips...my friend Ben.  Those 10 trips to Mississippi where Ben taught, encouraged, led, forced me to try and instilled his knowledge in my soul had just come to fruition.  Today I passed on Ben's legacy to 2 young men and 2 young women...and it was good.

Holy Conversations

A couple Saturday's ago I met with a friend for coffee.  It's a regular occurrence, usually at the same place and the conversation takes whatever path it needs.  I look forward to these coffee times, simply because I leave feeling loved and centered again.  Most times there are three or four of us who meet together.  We sit outside and watch the crazy drivers and near miss accidents.  We talk, we laugh, we commiserate, we share life together and it is good.

Last Friday, I will met with a different friend, at a different coffee shop for an entirely different conversation.  Our political and theological viewpoints are on much the same level.  I will left that conversation feeling, again, loved and centered but also like I am not alone in my view of what it means to be a Christ follower in this world.

On Monday evenings for a few months at a time, I gather with a group of friends around a television for a couple of hours, as we watch people make fools of themselves.  Those two hours are filled with snarky comments, yummy snacks, times of checking in with each other and a lot of laughter.  Most Mondays, the majority of the group leaves one by one until there are just a few of us left and we break into serious conversations about life.  I leave those conversations feeling, loved, accepted and understood...and centered.

Are you seeing the theme?

With each person, each group, each conversation there is an element of faith, a discussion of belief and at some point a revelation.  Sometimes they are major revelations, sometimes they are minor.  Saturday's coffee conversation reoriented my outlook on my career at the this moment in time.  Monday evenings conversations reminded me of the good of being known by others. Friday's conversation brought much needed laughter and understanding to my weary soul. Each revelation comes through a conversation.  A holy conversation.  I am grateful for those who speak and those who listen.  I am grateful for the conversations.  I am grateful for the revelations.  I am grateful for the people with whom I meet and the love, acceptance, centered, life confirming, hope that comes through these holy conversations.

I pray, this week, that you may have a holy conversation, where God shows up even if you don't recognize God's presence until much, much later.

You say it's your birthday...

I have this friend, this fantastic, brilliant, witty, compassionate, quiet force to be reckoned with, talented, don't mess with her or you will be the subject of a snarky text or ecard, amazing, wonderful friend.

She has seen her share of heartache and pain.  She has seen the depths of hurt, fear, loss and some how manages to pick herself up every time.  Every.time.  More than once I have looked at her life and wondered why God was calling her to be the modern day Job.  More than once I have looked up at the heavens, on her behalf, and said "Really?  This has got to stop!"  Yet, after every blow, every moment of heartache, my friend picks herself up and continues on with determination and a soul deep strength I sometimes wonder if she really knows she has.

My friend is also my best text buddy.  When my phone ribbits or says "Whaaatt??" in a decidedly Despicable Me Minion voice, I secretly hope it's her with some witty or sarcastic something or a fantastic picture of slippers...okay, sorry, that was totally an inside joke...those texts can take my day from blah to tears streaming down my face funny.  If we were to publish a book of our texts, well, let's just say a whole lotta people would be thinking a whole lot differently about us.  Some days they are snarky, some days angst filled, some days just meant to make the other person laugh.  She keeps me grounded and reminds me that I am loved.

In the last couple of years, life has taken us from weekly face to face check ins to rare moments of time together.  I miss her, yet I know God is doing something new in both our lives.  The time we have spent together has been precious and wonderful.  I pray there will be many more times ahead.  I am grateful for her presence in my life, for the opportunity I have had to sit on the sidelines and cheer her on, for the unwavering love and support she has given.  My life is better because of her friendship.

Today is my friend's birthday.  I wish her a year of love, happiness, poignant moments, peace, hope, renewed vision, faith that continues to move mountains and lots and lots of laughter.

Happy Birthday, my friend.  I love you more than words can say.

A message from God

I'm telling this tale because my friend Jeffy hasn't told it himself yet (hint, hint) and I need to associate something fun with church today.  All inaccuracies to the story are my own.

My friend Jeffy was once the custodian at Old Church.  He had to quit after his shoulder started giving him trouble and he couldn't manhandle the chairs and tables anymore.  The church hired someone new.  Old Church has gone through a lot of custodians.  A couple have been good and actually cleaned.  Most were nightmares.  Serious nightmares.  I was once accused of not liking homeless people because I pointed out that the current custodian wasn't doing his job. He wasn't homeless and it's a LONG story.

Anyhow, the newest custodian is one of the those custodians that needs a little assistance in cleaning the restrooms, so Jeffy has been going in and cleaning the restrooms.  Recently, Jeffy was at the church cleaning the night after the kids program had been held.  He was in the women's restroom checking the "little boxes" that tend to stink to high heaven if they aren't emptied within a day. He opened one box, peered in and noticed something in there but not what he expected.  That happens from time to time. Those little boxes sometimes just hold regular trash.  He pulled out the bag and at the bottom was an offering envelope.  Yes, you read that right, an offering envelope.  One from the pews in the Sanctuary.  It gets better.

On the front of the envelope was written.  "God has something good to tell you."  Jeffy chuckled a little, turned the envelope over and opened it up.  Written on the inside was this message:

"God thinks you are nice."

Sometimes God shows up in the most unexpected places.

The car phenomenon redux

When I was in youth ministry I used to be amazed at the power held by the front seat of the car.  Not just those annoying squabbles that would start the moment the car came into view about who got "shot gun" but the power the front seat had to turn the quietest kid into a veritable fountain of words. It was not the wisest decision to drive teens places by myself, I recognize my naivete looking back, but those moments driving kids home were precious and so important.

Of course, the car phenomenon also occurred when other teens were in the car but it took on a different twist.  The adult driver, whoever they were, ceased to be a person with ears listening to the conversation.  I learned more about the youth in the youth group I was leading driving on a 2 hour car trips than I did at youth group nights for two months.   Only the shrewdest of youth members would remember that I was driving the car, but usually it was like I wasn't in there or suddenly couldn't understand their language, the fountain of words would just flow.  I would  pipe in from time to time with a comment, especially when the conversation got a little too iffy for a youth group trip, or burst out laughing at the most absurd parts of the conversation just because I could not contain the laughter any more.  Those conversations are why we had monthly youth group excursions to places at least a half hour away.

A few former youth members, whom I now call friends, and I headed out to the Big City this past weekend.  It was about an hour and a half car ride.  The topics of discussion were varied and fun and we reminisced about the days of long youth group car trips.  They are at a point now where they are the adults taking youth group members places and they experience what I experienced.  It was awesome.

But the moment that clinched the whole day for me came in the 10 minute car ride from dropping one person off to the other persons house.  I was driving, they were in the back seat (too tired to move) and the power of the back seat was immense.  The fountain of words began to flow, so much so that we sat in their driveway for 10 minutes just talking.  I looked in the rear view mirror at this former youth member, who I now call friend, and tried really hard not to cry.  For sitting looking back at me was an adult, but also a teenager I had shuttled home for years, and there I was listening to them share their heart all these years later.

While much has changed, the phenomenon of the car remains.

Friends

I received a text message this morning, complete with picture, that left me in tears...tears of laughter.  One minute I was working on the Monday Morning Message that didn't want to be manipulated the way I wanted it manipulated and the next I was laughing, loudly, in the office with tears rolling down my face.

I firmly contend that we all need someone, or a few someones, in our life with whom we can share the nitty-gritty details about daily living.  People with whom you can pour out the depths of your soul and know, for absolute certain, they are not judging you, nor are they laughing AT you.  People that you know your deepest darkest secrets can be unveiled and they won't tell another soul on earth.  People who have seen you at your worst and they still call or text or email.

I am grateful to have a few of those kinds of people in my life.  I am grateful, too, that it isn't a one way sharing street.  I can send the text that tells them about my latest adventure in being me and they will reciprocate...though usually not on the same day.

Here's to all those friends with whom we can bare our souls and know that we are safe!!!  And to text messages that make us laugh so hard we cry.  :)

Friday Five--I Need Help--Day Two

The 2nd way I received help when I didn't want to ask for it...correct that, when I didn't know to ask for it.

 For a couple of years there were four of us, all in youth ministry, who would get together and collaborate on activities for our youth groups.  We would also get together just to talk about life and ministry.  We traveled to Youth Worker Conventions together and basically became really good friends, with youth ministry and God being the commonality.  There was one year when that friendship transcended youth ministry and definitely became more about just getting through life.  At the end of that year, one of us left youth ministry, another moved away and then there were two...until I left my job.

My friend, T, wasn't about to let me leave youth ministry fully.  The last couple of months as I prepared to leave my job, he was preparing to hire someone, very, very, very part-time to help with the stuff that was keeping him from doing ministry fully.  He offered me the position.  Seeing a very small paycheck come in the door when I was letting go of a nice paycheck (though I was not without the ability to survive:  see yesterday's post) was one reason I said yes but really the other reason was I needed to feel useful.  Every week for 6 months I had something to do every Tuesday.  I had a place to go, someone who needed my help and who was counting on me to get the job done.  I didn't know I would need that sense of being useful, having a purpose but there it was.  I didn't know I needed help, I didn't know I to ask for it but God knew.

It's been a year and I have a new job now.  Not a full-time job and I'm surviving.  I'm not sure how long my very, very part time job will last but for now, I'm content.  Not just to be helped by a friend but to help him as well. 

Friday Five: I Need Help--Day One

From Martha at RevGalBlogPals:  This time last Friday I was on my way to the airport to pick up your usual host for first Friday Five. We had a mighty to-do list for the Labor Day weekend, and her accomplishments were so far beyond impressive as to be heroic. A dumpster is now full of water-damaged junk from my basement.

This was not a job I could have accomplished by myself. I had to ask for help.

I hate to ask for help. I love to give it. You may identify with these feelings.

So, for this Friday Five, please list four ways you have been helped when you didn't want to ask for it and one way you had a chance to help that meant a lot to you.

If you know how to link to your post, God bless you, and if you don't, I promise to visit you anyway. And if you have a minute, leave a thank you to kathrynzj, the heroine mentioned above, who is retiring from Friday Five.

I'm going to take a little bit of liberty with this Friday Five and make it a Five Day event.  Partly because I don't have the time, at the moment, to ponder all five "helps" and partly because I want to take the time to do this one justice!

1st way I've received help when I didn't want to ask for it:

Actually that should be, I received help that I didn't know to ask for.

A year and a half ago I sent a venting text to a friend.  It went something like "I can't do this anymore."  The response came back immediately.  "Where are you?  I have something for you."  We met up briefly and this friend handed me an envelope.  I was in the midst of something else and I didn't open the envelope until about a half hour later.  When I did the floodgate of tears could not be stopped.  I sought this friend out and sat and cried and tried to give the envelope back, thanked my friend profusely and then...and then began to wonder.

My friend was God's messenger at that point, providing a way out, literally.  I knew, I KNEW what I needed to do at that moment and over the next two months I prayed and prayed and prayed until the moment was right.  Meetings were held, paperwork was handed in, goodbyes were said and for 6 months I survived because of the unbelievable love and generosity of a friend.  I wasn't asking for the kind of help my friend gave.  I couldn't conceive of asking for that kind of help and yet, there it was.  Offered without strings.  Offered without qualm and with a quite a forceful "you can't give this back!"

I'm forever grateful for the help I didn't know to ask for...

Ugh

11pm and I should be in bed.  Except tonight was Bachelorette Night at Fabulous Friend Debbie's house.  I still can't believe I am watching this show, but now I can't miss it!  Who will Emily choose?  How many times will we yell at the TV for the dumb things the guys say?  Why can't she see through these dudes?!  I am so ashamed...

Anyway, as I was leaving Indy the German Shepherd raced out the door ahead of me (with permission), raced down the street and was barking ferociously at something.  Both cats came running to the door, so it wasn't the cats.  It didn't take long before we knew what Indy was barking at.  Polecats, as my Grandpa O used to call them.  How did we know?  We smelled them.  Of course tonight because it was 100 degrees outside and a beautiful night, I drove the race car with the top down and open to the world.  My car was closest to the polecat encounter and it smelled really, really bad.  I came home and immediately threw everything I was wearing into the washing machine because I can't get that smell out of my nose and who wants to chance the smell is actually on my clothes?

 So it's 11pm and I'm doing laundry, express wash.  Hopefully I'll get to sleep sometime before I have to get up to go to work tomorrow.  Eh, who needs sleep anyway?

If you haven't figured out what a polecat is, here's a hint...

 

Today was...

It's a beautiful February day in Northern California.  There are somethings that should not be said in the same sentence.  "Beautiful", "February" and "day" are some.  We are WAY below our rainfall average this year, as is pretty much the whole state.  Lil Bro is in the ski industry.  He finally got to start work 2 full months after his original start date.  Not good.  But that's not why I posted.

I took advantage of this beautiful February day.  First I had my weekly chiropractic appointment.  Then I stopped into get my toes done.  Yay!  The people at the nail salon asked me to make sure my friends knew that they were the only "F." Nail Salon in town.  Turns out that one of their employees quit after two months and is opening up a shop in town with a similar name at their old shop site!  People amaze me.  So spread the word!  "F." Nail Salon has changed locations!  The people at their old shop are imposter's!

I went from there to coffee with Jeffy and LN.  LN brought me mini-oranges with my name on them. 

LN and Jeffy were Mississippi buddies.  When packing lunches in Mississippi I would always put a banana in the group lunch sack with my name on it.  It reminded me of Mississippi.






Speaking of Mississippi, as we were sitting in the sun Ben sends me this picture and text "I forget, how do you eat these?" 
 
He's been sending me pics all week long as Mardi Gras has been in full swing.  I told him to stop sending me pictures.  I want to be there too!








Then I made Creative Guy take this pic with me as I took him to the office from his after school program.















A beautiful day does deserve the top down on the race car. (And it saved me from the "toxic toots" of Creative Guy.  We had quite the conversation about this bodily function and the need to have the top up on the car so I could smell them.  He is all boy.)  He was much better when I took the picture without him knowing. And before you "yell" at me for using my phone in the car, we were at a complete and total stop and I wasn't talking on the phone.

It was a good day...though the wrong day to forget to put on my SPF 30 moisturizer.  *Sigh*

Hope your day was beautiful too!

A birthday post

Last Spring a friend gave me a gift that changed my life.  I remember opening that gift in my car and sobbing.  A simple act paved the way for the leap of faith that needed to happen and that I had been trying to put off for a long, long time for many different reasons.  That one gift lead to a big decision and I haven't looked back.

Tonight I sat across the table from a couple of good friends (who have also been a huge part of some life changing moments in my life), next to a 4 year old friend who is so precious I can't stand it, down the table from a 12 year old friend who has a smile that lights up the room and celebrated my life-changing friend. 

Much has happened in her not-so-many years on earth.  I've only walked through a few of those years with her.  But I'm grateful for for those few years.  I'm grateful her friendship, for her smile, her generosity of heart and fierce protection.  I'm grateful for the random notes, pictures and texts that she sends and her willingness to receive some pretty interesting ones from me!  I'm grateful for the fact that she is a survivor, a fighter, a mama bear, a fragile woman with a core of steel, a woman of faith and one who inspires me to just keep moving even when life feels like it's shattering around me.  I am blessed to call her my friend, a sister of my heart.

Happy Birthday, my friend.  Love, love, love you!  :)

Time to make a move

I went to dinner the other night, with two fantastic women.  Absolutely fantastic women...they also happen to be former youth group members.  I'm enjoying the freedom of not being the youth director anymore.  I enjoyed just hanging out with these fantastic women and being totally, completely, honestly me.  Though, in all truthfulness these two women have seen me be totally, completely, honestly me before and survived.  The stories they could tell!

Anyway, as we chatted I had a bit of a revelation.  It came in two waves.  One at dinner, one later on the way home.  I've always known my sense of what I am and am not good at is pretty skewed.  I'm definitely one of those people who give myself enough credit for being good at things.  I'm my hardest critic.  When it comes to writing down on paper, in the form of a resume, things that I do well I'm hitting a wall.  I've got a lot of blank spaces.  In searching for a job I have seen things that I know that I could do but then I look at the requirements and I panic a little.  I feel so very unqualified.

While talking with these ladies, though, I realized two things.  One:  I can do these jobs.  I do have the experience.  My resume may not say the exact words that are outlined on the requirements, but I definitely have the experience needed!  Two:  I could probably do the job that isn't listed.  The job one or two levels higher.  I have that experience too!  It's time for me to step it up and believe in myself and the abilities that I have.  It's time to get a move on and apply for a job!

So, here's the thing.  I need your help, Internet friends.  This week I need to get my resume completed and apply for one, just one job (here's hoping there is one to apply for!).  So keep me accountable?  If we see each other, gently ask.  If by Friday there is nothing posted here about actually accomplishing my goal, well, leave a comment and gently nudge. 

I'm so grateful for the time to spend with friends.  It's amazing what insights can be found having dinner with two fantastic women.

A little bit of this and that

I've started and stopped a number of posts over the last couple of days.  Though there are words that are begging to be let out, there's a part of me that always holds back not wanting to over share.  It's a struggle that I always feel when it comes to blogging.  I want to share yet where is the line?  When does it become just whining and over sharing?  I don't have that answer yet.

I've been a busy girl lately.  Last weekend was Cousin V's wedding, which I was so honored to officiate.  What made it even more fun was that 29 of the 30 family members (and significant other's married or not) on that side of the family were together at the same time.  It was fun to see the 2nd cousins running around playing and laughing.  There were photographs taken, I just don't happen to have them.  They will come later.

My one day a week job has been good for me.  Youth Pastor Friend, Mr. T., has been out of town but he left me with a list of things to do...which I've pretty much done.  On the list was to start clearing off his desk and going through pictures.  Just would like it recorded that when I was in youth ministry I was given a REALLY bad time for the state of my office.  My office had nothing on Mr. T's.  Just sayin'.

Aunt C asked today if I had gotten back to a normal schedule after the weekend and I laughed to myself.  I don't know what normal is lately but I'm enjoying it.  Something comes up every day.  Take Monday for example.  I had lunch plans with Amy and needed to drop off an application for a very brief job (Child Care at a camp this weekend) but had nothing on the schedule for the rest of the day.  Then LN texted and I wound up getting coffee with her and a behind-the-scenes tour of the local amusement park.  It was a pretty cool!  If this is normal, I like it!

Today marks my 37th year in the world.  I'm enjoying my free birthday coffee with a side of peace and quiet and will enjoy pizza and the company of K, N, Meg and kiddo's later today.  I've been showered with blessings and well wishes all day and am feeling very loved.   

That said, there is stuff brewing beneath the surface on this birthday (see beginning of this post) and I'm aware more than ever that God is in control of my life and I am not.  Totally grateful for where I've been, the people that God has surrounded me with and for the opportunity that I have right now to sit back, to pray, ponder and listen.  Just can't help wanting God to hurry things up already!

One foot

One foot in front of the other
that's how I'm walking these days.
Just one foot in front of the other
testing the ground with each step
for signs of weakness,
rocks,
pits,
anything that might make me stumble,
and tumble
and fall.

One foot in front of the other
that's how she's walking these days.
Just one foot in front of the other
testing the ground with each step
finding spots of weakness,
rocks,
pits,
things that make her stumble
and tumble
and fall
down
the
hill.

One foot in front of the other
down the road of life
we all travel.
Just one foot in front of the other
all the while reaching out a hand
looking for help.
Fingers brush, barely making contact,
panic sets in on the one falling
while the other reaches, stretches out their hand
to make contact,
to remind the other
that they are not alone,
that they are not the only one
walking one foot in front of the other
praying hard that the weak spots,
the rocks,
the pits,
the hills,
will just disappear.

Praying that the path will be made clear
that the ground will be made firm
that someday instead of one foot in front of the other
there will be dancing.

Goodbye for now, O.F.

I believe that God brings people into our lives for seasons, to help us find our way, to show us new visions, to help us dream new dreams or get in touch with things that we had forgotten. There are people that I can clearly see that God used to help guide me on the path of faith, some that helped push me into a career I never even considered and I can see that there are people that are in my life right now that God is using to help me think about the future.

Tomorrow Opinionated Friend leaves for Rome...permanently. She's moving there to follow the vision that God has been giving her since childhood, to be a missionary. God has clearly set her on this path and is clearly guiding her on the journey.

Opinionated Friend has been one that has helped me to dream bigger, see farther and trust in the mystery of God even deeper. We have laughed together, cried together, been frustrated, been silent, struggled with some of the same issues, been freaked out by a rat, been so tired we had uncontrollable giggle fests and wow, have we talked. There aren't many people that I feel like I can be the true me with but she's one. I'm blessed by her friendship and will miss her constant physical presence in my life something fierce! I am so proud to be her friend and anxious to see what God does through her life in the next few years.

Love you O.F.! :)

The silence

I'm multi-tasking right now. Eating dinner, texting a friend (who I get to see soon, yippee), watching NCIS (cuz who can get enough NCIS?), checking Facebook every so often and reading blogs. That's not why I'm adding blogging to that this though.

I was on my friend Brandon's blog (I lurk there often) and he posted song by a man named Andrew Peterson. I read his blog and knew that I needed to hit the button to play the 'video' and knew that I was going to blog the song myself as soon as the first verse was done.

Monday, as I was talking with a friend who has served as a kind of spiritual director for me this last year, it became pretty apparent to me that I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for God to do whatever it is God is going to do with my life and let me land wherever it is I'm supposed to land. It's akin to a God silence time, but not quite. I've been through those times before. This isn't that. This is a holding pattern.

But I do have friends right now who are in the God silence mode. So this is for them. There's no answer in this song, more of a recognition that Jesus knows and has been there before too.

Life

In dot form:

• Wednesday night Opinionated Friend, YL GalPal and I went out really late. Really, really late. Saw a movie and then drove YL GalPal to the airport...at 3 in the morning. It was fun to hang out with them, a good movie and a good reminder that I am SO not 20 anymore! Getting home at 5am meant getting about 4 hours of sleep. At one point the next day I was sitting at work and my eyes were crossing I was so tired. Would do it again...but with that cup of coffee at 11pm. :)
  
• Friday I went to leave the house in the afternoon. I had taken the morning to just breathe before focusing on writing the final paper for my final class for my Certificate in Youth Ministry. Housemates had left earlier in the day, so I locked the front door and headed to the garage...and found the garage door locked. There's no direct access to the house from the garage, so the garage entry door is outside the house. There's a lock on that door. It was locked. I peered through the windows and saw that the main garage door was down. My car was inside the garage. Are you tracking with me? It gets better. Inside the locked garage was my locked car with (drumroll please) my house keys safely tucked away inside. Yep. Locked out of the garage, locked out the house. Nice. I rescued my car but not without practicing some stealth moves. Fun.
  
• Friday night instead of heading to shop as originally thought I joined Yo Momma, G.G. and Fab Friend B for dinner and a movie. Good food, good conversation and a really silly movie. Yeah, nice end to the day.
• Saturday Yo Momma and I braved the crowds at the mall and went shopping. We have this Black Tie thing to attend in, oh 22 days and, well, my idea of getting dressed up is a nice pair of jeans and a pretty shirt. Not gonna work. In the first 2 hours I found a beautiful top that was over 75% off. YES! Yo Momma found her business attire (that's one of the nights) but decided against the dress that was so tight it left NO room to the imagination. We laughed a lot!
• And today, today I finished that paper. Tomorrow it's time to focus on Youth Sunday, songs for VBS at neighboring church and revamping my job description. Life goes on.
  

Danny and Jenny part 2

I recently joined Facebook. Not that I needed yet ANOTHER thing to tie my attention to the internet, really. It's interesting finding people that I haven't thought of since High School. Some are very recognizable, some not so much. Life changes, we change, it's all good.

Anyway, on one of my friend's page there was a link to a video for one of her songs (www.elisabethcarlisle.wordpress.com). I clicked to watch and there on the sidebar of YouTube was video of Danny and Jenny dancing. I cried all over again.

Through the beauty of embedded video, watch for yourself! :)