The ebbs and flows

There are times when things are fine.  I don't worry about finding a job or having enough money to pay the bills I have or whether or not I will ever be able to have a home of my own or any of the things that cause some worry in my head. 

There are times when things are not fine.  When I beg God to take away the longing for something more, the ache in my heart as another number creeps up and I realize I'm so far away from where I thought I would at this point in life.

Yet I don't regret the choices and decisions that have lead me here, to the unknown, the in-between, the wondering stage of life where I contemplate and work really hard to let go of the reins, allowing God to lead me down whatever path is next.  That doesn't make the aches and worries less real, nor the unexpected and overpowering tears of grief that well up at a moments notice any less powerful.  They are still real, still present.

These are the ebbs and flows of life, the ups and downs and in-betweens where the past is past and the future is unclear but the now is real, breathing and tangible...and feeling a little shaky.