Friday, January 18, 2008


There is a voice that has been telling me a story for a very long time. Sometimes I hear the voice in the midst of wonderful moments. It says things like "You don't deserve this happiness. If people really knew what you were like, they wouldn't like you. This happiness is just a fluke, things will change." In those unhappy, stressful moments the voice says "See, didn't I tell you? Why do you think you can achieve anything? You really are very inadequate."

That voice has driven me in many, many ways. It has convinced me that I am not worthy of recognition. It has convinced me that I will fail more often that I will succeed. It has convinced me that the happiness of other's that I lead is my responsibility. The voice has convinced me that I am unworthy, unlovable and undeserving of praise.

I don't like this voice. I really don't like that this voice lives inside of me, that it comes from my own heart.

On my Come Away day God decided to confront that voice. God showed me areas in which the voice has been winning the battle, places where I set myself up for failure. God showed me places where I have triumphed and succeeded only to allow the voice to convince me that I wasn't as good as I thought or as others were saying. God was there as I cried tears of sorrow and loss, as I wrote words of apology and allowed the places of deep jealousy and envy to be unveiled. God spoke words of forgiveness, diminishing the power of the voice, if only a margin. God said "I love you. You are worthy. I am so glad I made you."

This morning I realized that I had allowed the voice to speak again, after my Come Away day. I feel right into it's trap. But God was there this morning and God was doing the revealing this morning. And God said "I love you. You are worthy. I am so glad I made you." I am beginning to believe God more than the voice.


trinity said...

I am glad you are able to hear what God is saying, because I believe His voice to be true. You are amazing and wonderful. Your happiness is important, not just to God, but to others as well. I know lots of times we write stuff on here, not really asking for a response. This time I want you to hear my voice echoing God's saying...Brit you are more than just someone I like to be around, you are valuable to me, and I love you. I care that you are not only happy on the outside but on the inside where it really matters.

Sally said...

Hang on to Gods voice.
Welcome to revgals :-)